What Is An Open Relationship?

Are you curious about open relationships? Well, you've come to the right place! Let’s start with the basics: Open relationships are a way to have a romantic or sexual relationship with more than one person at the same time, with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved. Intrigued? Read on for some history, ground rules, general tips and advice for having a happy and successful open relationship.

Open relationships have been around for centuries and actually, some of the world’s greatest art and literature has been produced as a result of them. From writers Henry Miller and Anaïs Nin, to the love triangle between Arthur Rimbaud, Paul Verlaine, and Verlaine's wife Mathilde Mauté, or the Bloomsbury Set - a group of artists and intellectuals including Virginia Woolf and Vita Sackville West in early 20th century Britain.

This group of intellectuals, writers and artists were known for their avant-garde ideas, progressive views, and unconventional lifestyles, which often included open relationships. 

One of the most famous examples was between writer Virginia Woolf and her husband, Leonard Woolf. They had a deep and loving relationship, but they also both had affairs with other members of the group. Virginia had a passionate affair with Vita Sackville-West, a fellow writer and gardener, which inspired her novel ‘Orlando’. Leonard, on the other hand, had a long-term relationship with a man named Duncan Grant, an artist.

Other members of the Bloomsbury Group, such as Lytton Strachey and Clive Bell, were also known for their non-monogamous relationships. They believed in living life on their own terms, free from the constraints of traditional societal norms.

The Bloomsbury Group's approach to relationships was part of a wider cultural shift at the time towards greater sexual freedom and experimentation. They saw love and sexuality as fluid and varied, and rejected the idea that monogamy was the only way to experience intimacy and connection.

Open relationships allow for greater freedom and exploration within your relationships. You and your partner(s) can explore different dynamics and experiences without fear of judgment or betrayal. They also encourage communication and honesty, as all parties involved need to be open and transparent about their desires, boundaries, and expectations. 

But it would be naive to suggest that open relationships were considered ‘normal’ today. If you do have an open relationship, be prepared to face questions and challenges from other people in your life, particularly older generations. Some people simply will not be able to understand and they might doubt the validity of your relationship if it is open.

Try not to let other people’s negativity or lack of understanding impact your relationship. If it works for you and your partner(s), it works! Open relationships are nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, in many instances being in a healthy open relationship demonstrates a greater degree of trust and emotional intelligence.

These days, many people are clear that they are not looking for an exclusive or monogamous partnership but at the same time, they would like to be in an open primary relationship (a ‘long term’ relationship which you invest more time and effort into than ‘secondary’ potentially shorter term dalliances), so that they can enjoy all the great things about having a girlfriend, boyfriend, or special person. It’s nice to have someone to share your life with. But how do you make sure that sharing each other with others doesn’t become problematic?

Read on for more tips and open relationship advice. 

Communication is key! Before entering into an open relationship, it's important to have an honest conversation with your partner(s) about what you both want and expect. Establish clear boundaries and guidelines, and make sure you both feel comfortable with the arrangement.

It's also important to practice safe sex and get regular STI testing. And, of course, always prioritize consent and respect for your partner(s) and their boundaries.

Another tip is to focus on the quality, not quantity, of your relationships. Just because you have the option to see other people doesn't mean you should be constantly seeking out new partners. Instead, focus on building deep and meaningful connections with the people you choose to pursue relationships with.

In an open relationship, jealousy can still be an issue. It's important to acknowledge and address those feelings when they arise, and to work through them together as a team. 

It's also key to remember that an open relationship is not a solution to problems in your current relationship, but rather a way to explore and enhance your connection.

The difference between being in an open relationship and being generally polyamorous is that you will have one main relationship that you and your partner agree to open up. You might live together, you might be married, perhaps you know each other’s families or even plan to have kids together. The other relationships you build outside of this one will perhaps come with rules and boundaries that differentiate them from your primary relationship. 

For example, maybe you don’t bring your other partners into the home you share with your main partner. Perhaps you don’t spend holidays with them, or share the more emotional side of your life with them. It could be that you have rules around what you share on social media of your dates outside of your primary relationship.

But then again, perhaps you will do all those things! There is no one right way to have an open relationship. As long as you and your partner(s) are on the same page,  just do what feels right for you both.

One way of making sure you don’t neglect your main relationship is to schedule a number of date nights a week where it is just the two of you.

It might be an idea to set some open relationship rules, such as not replying to messages from other partners when you are in each other’s company. 

Show your primary partner love and affection, make them feel special and be sure to check in with them regularly as the way you both feel about a situation may change over time. 

First things first—be sure to inform any new partner that you are in an open relationship and communicate your boundaries and ground rules. Give the other person space to consider your set up and make sure that they consent to this. 

Treat your other partners with love, kindness, and respect. Don’t talk to them about your life with your other partner if they would prefer not to know.  Don’t stand them up at the last minute or treat them as second best. Talk to them to make sure they are happy and their needs are being met. 

When there are multiple people and multiple relationships in your romantic life it can become hard to manage and emotionally overwhelming. So be sure to take time out and enjoy your own company. This headspace can be vital. 

Communicate openly and honestly with them. Set clear boundaries: Make sure you and your partner(s) are on the same page about what is and isn't acceptable in your open relationship. Discuss what kind of activities, partners, and situations are OK and not OK, and revisit these boundaries regularly as your relationship evolves.

And finally, take it slow: Don't rush into an open relationship or try to force yourself into a situation that doesn't feel right. Take things slowly, be patient, and focus on building trust and communication with your partner(s).

Remember, every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. You may also decide to try an open relationship and ultimately decide it’s not for you. The most important thing is to communicate openly and honestly with your partner(s), and to prioritize your own feelings and needs as well as those of your partner(s).