In the world of dating and relationships, we often hear about various sexual orientations and identities. While many are well-known and widely accepted, there are lesser-known aspects of human sexuality that deserve recognition and understanding too. Autosexuality is one such concept that has been gaining attention in recent years.*
Autosexual is a term used to describe people who are more sexually attracted to themselves than to others. They may seek sexual arousal or stimulation through self-pleasure or fantasies, rather than sex or imaginary scenarios involving another person. People who are autosexual may find themselves particularly drawn to their own bodies, personalities or self-image (but it goes beyond a love of taking selfies).
While it's important to note that autosexuality is not an officially recognised sexual orientation in mainstream psychology, it is a valid and unique aspect of human sexuality. Characteristics of autosexual people include:
- Self-confidence: Autosexual individuals tend to have a high level of self-confidence and self-esteem. They are comfortable and content with who they are, both physically and emotionally. This self-assuredness can be an attractive quality in the dating world.
- Self-exploration: Autosexuals often engage in self-exploration and self-care practices that allow them to connect more deeply with themselves. This self-discovery can be empowering and contribute to personal growth.
- Independence: Autosexual individuals may prioritize their independence and self-sufficiency in their relationships. While they can certainly form meaningful connections with others, they value their ability to fulfill their own needs and desires.
Can people who are autosexual fall in love?
Whoever you are, the most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. But even if you are autosexual it is entirely possible for you to fall in love with another person because sexuality is fluid and evolving. Autosexuality primarily relates to a strong sense of self-attraction and self-connection, but it does not preclude someone from forming romantic or emotional connections with others. Being autosexual doesn't mean you are incapable of experiencing romantic love or deep emotional bonds with someone else.
Autosexuality is a unique and valid aspect of human sexuality, and people who identify as autosexual should be celebrated for their self-love and self-acceptance. In the context of a relationship, if that means embracing autosexuality (this might look like a shared enjoyment of self-pleasure), then that is a powerful step on the path to self-discovery and personal growth.
Many autosexual individuals do engage in romantic relationships and experience love for others while still maintaining a strong sense of self-love and self-attraction. In fact, a healthy romantic relationship can complement one's sense of self-love and personal growth.
As with any sexual orientation, it's essential to approach dating and relationships with honesty, open communication, and a commitment to authenticity. People who are able to embrace their autosexuality can also share it with potential partners, creating meaningful connections that align with both their values and desires.
That said, people who identify as autosexual may approach dating and relationships in a unique way. Here are some tips for navigating the dating world:
- Seek like-minded people. While autosexuality is a personal experience, you may find that you connect most deeply with individuals who share similar values and attitudes towards self-love and self-care. This could be a friendship or it could be something more.
- Be honest. Be open and honest about your autosexuality with potential partners. Communication is crucial in any relationship, and sharing this aspect of your identity can help ensure that both you and your partner are on the same page.
- Be authentic. Your confidence and self-assuredness are attractive qualities. Embrace your authenticity and be proud of who you are. Authenticity is often a magnet for genuine and meaningful connections.
- Balance self-love with partner love. Remember that it's possible to love yourself deeply while also building meaningful connections with others. Finding the right balance between self-love and partner love is key to healthy and fulfilling relationships.
How do I know if I am autosexual?
Determining if you are autosexual is a personal and introspective process. Autosexuality is not a widely recognized or studied sexual orientation, so there are no specific diagnostic criteria or tests to definitively determine if someone is autosexual. However, there are some signs and characteristics that may suggest you have autosexual tendencies. Here are some factors to consider:
Strong self-connection
Autosexual individuals often have a deep and strong connection with themselves. They feel comfortable and satisfied with their own company, both physically and emotionally.
Self-love and self-attraction
You may find that you have a genuine attraction to your own body or personality. This can manifest as a strong sense of self-confidence and self-esteem.
Solo satisfaction
Autosexual individuals may derive a significant amount of sexual satisfaction and pleasure from solo activities, such as self-pleasure (masturbation), self-care, or self-exploration.
Independence
Autosexuals tend to value their independence and self-sufficiency. They often prioritize self-care and self-discovery as essential components of their well-being.
Limited interest in romantic or sexual relationships
While autosexual individuals can certainly form romantic and sexual relationships with others, they may not feel a strong need for external validation or companionship to feel fulfilled.
What is the difference between autoeroticism and autosexuality?
Autoeroticism and autosexuality are related concepts but have different meanings. Autoeroticism refers to the practice of engaging in sexual activity or self-stimulation for sexual pleasure by oneself, without the involvement of a partner. It encompasses activities such as masturbation, self-pleasure, and sexual fantasies that individuals engage in to experience sexual satisfaction on their own. Autoeroticism is a broader concept that focuses on the physical and erotic aspects of self-stimulation and self-pleasure. It does not necessarily involve feelings of romantic attraction or emotional connection to oneself.
Autosexuality, on the other hand, is a term used to describe individuals who experience a strong sense of attraction, connection, or sexual satisfaction with themselves. It goes beyond just the physical act of self-pleasure and can include a deep emotional or romantic connection with oneself. Autosexuality is a more specific concept than autoeroticism and often includes an element of self-love, self-attraction, and self-romance. Autosexual individuals may feel emotionally fulfilled by their own company and may have a high level of self-esteem and self-confidence.
Does an enjoyment of self pleasure equate to being autosexual?
The desire to indulge in self-pleasure, often referred to as masturbation or self-stimulation, is a natural and common aspect of human sexuality. It involves engaging in sexual activities for the purpose of experiencing sexual pleasure without the involvement of a partner. Self-pleasure is a physical act and does not necessarily imply a deep emotional or romantic connection with oneself.
It is a common and healthy way for individuals to explore their bodies, experience sexual pleasure, and release sexual tension. Self-pleasure is not exclusive to autosexual individuals; it is a practice that people of various sexual orientations and identities engage in to satisfy their sexual needs and desires.
Autosexuality includes a broader and more complex set of feelings and emotions toward oneself, which can include self-love and self-romantic attraction. The desire to indulge in self-pleasure, on the other hand, is a more specific and common aspect of human sexuality focused on the physical act of experiencing sexual pleasure through self-stimulation. While autosexual individuals may engage in self-pleasure, the two concepts differ in terms of the depth of emotional and romantic connection with oneself.
* Williams Institute (2019) School of Law, Williams Institute. Available at: https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/sm-asexuals-press-release/. (Accessed 23 October 2023).