We tend to only look back on our past relationships when we want to complain about them. We almost never think of them as positive experiences, experiences that shaped us and helped us learn more about ourselves.
But dating should be a learning experience. It’s a process that teaches you what you want in a relationship, what you need from a partner, and how you handle being in a relationship.
If you haven’t learned anything from your past relationships, if you haven’t changed or grown, maybe it’s worth looking back over them and thinking about what they can teach you.
5 Lessons You Should Learn From Past Relationships:
Learn What You Want From Your Next Relationship
You can only learn about what you want from relationships by being in relationships. We often learn what we want by learning what we don’t want.
Regardless of why you broke up, every relationship you’ve had will have taught you things things you find annoying, things you realise you simply can’t put up with.
Did you feel suffocated in your last relationship? Maybe you need someone more independent, or you should try non-monogamy.
Did your last relationship end because you want kids and your partner didn’t? Now you know to ask about that early on, to make sure you don’t waste your time.
Some people look at their past relationships and make a checklist of what they want from their next. This helps them understand where to focus their energy, and when to walk away from a potential partner if they don’t quite match up with what they want.
It can be hugely beneficial knowing what you can compromise on, and what is non-negotiable for you to be happy. You can only learn these things by looking at your past relationships and understanding what worked for you and what didn’t.
Learn What Your Flaws Are, And Deal With Them
When it comes to relationships, all of us have some issues we need to work on. For some of us it’s jealousy, for others it’s insecurity, it might be that you overthink things too much. Whatever it is, you should reflect on how your own actions and behaviour contributed to the breakdown of your last relationship.
You have to hold yourself accountable for your own actions, and work towards improving how you behave when in a relationship. This isn’t necessarily easy, and it can be a long process, but doing this work will make things easier when you meet someone who’s right for you.
Learn Your Love Language
People express their love in different ways. When two people have different love languages, this can sometimes lead to conflict, with one person not understanding that their partner is expressing actually expressing affection.
It takes being in a few relationships to learn your love language, and also to become comfortable with the fact that not everyone will express or appreciate love in different ways.
Lean How You Handle The Different Stages Of Your Relationships
Every relationship goes through different stages, and once you’ve been in a few you begin to understand how you operate in each different stage.
Some people get very attached very quickly, some people maintain some distance at first and gradually get closer. Some people want to make things official after one month, others need more time. Some people say ‘I love you’ early on, others wait much longer.
There is no right time for any of these, and different people move through different stages at different speeds. You only need to know what’s right for you.
Learn How To Communicate
When it comes to relationships, there are certain skills that can make life easier day-to-day. One of the best skills you can have is strong communication.
If, in your past relationships you haven’t really felt heard, you wished your partner had understood you better, or that you were surprised at how your partner reacted to things, maybe your communications skills need some work.
Communication is a two-way street of course, and to do it effectively both parties have to be invested in actually communicating. This means you have to be able to speak your mind, while also being able to listen to how your partner responds.
This can take work, and is something you need to consciously and actively do all the time. But it can make your relationship much stronger, ensuring that no one is misunderstood.
Every relationship you have should help move you closer to the kind of relationship that will ultimately make you happy.
Even if you’ve had a horrible breakup, there are still good things you can learn that will help you have better, healthier relationships in the future.
Read more about how to have a happy relationship, or learn how to move on after a breakup.
