It can be difficult to narrow down exactly what you want out of a relationship, and what kind of person you want to have that relationship with. 

What’s really important to you? Who is equipped to give that to you?

A relationship checklist can help us organise our thoughts and our desires, and give us clarity about whether or not someone can make us happy. 

They can also be too restrictive, shutting down any possibilities with anyone who doesn’t meet our extensive criteria.

What Is A Relationship Checklist?

A relationship checklist contains all the things you need in a relationship. It also contains all the things you would like, and all the things that are deal-breakers. 

These are often intensely personal, as everyone has different things they value. 

There are pros and cons to creating a list, which we’ll talk about later on. 

But here are just a few things some people put on their relationship checklists. 

What To Put On Your Relationship Checklist:

Attractiveness

This one is fairly self-explanatory. We all have different things we find attractive, but you can’t have a relationship with someone you aren’t attracted to. 

For some people attractiveness isn’t the most important thing. For others it is. Defining what you find attractive, and how important that is to you, is often the first thing people do when making a relationship checklist. 

Intelligence

This is another important trait that many of us would consider highly important in a prospective partner. 

Of course, there are different types of intelligence, and not everyone is going to be a rocket scientist. 

Most people look for someone with roughly the same level of intelligence as them.

Age

Most people have an age range when it comes to who they would consider dating. 

If you’re using a dating app, you can actually configure this in your settings to make sure you don’t see anyone outside of the ages you’re interested in. 

Height

This one can be an issue. Most people tend to have a preference about the height of their partner. 

If you’re making a relationship checklist, you might have to be lenient about how tall you want your prospective partner to be. 

Compatibility

This is something that varies from person to person. Some people love dating someone completely different to them, as they have interesting conversations, debates, and even arguments. 

Other people can’t imagine anything worse, and would prefer their partner to be similar to them in terms of views, interests, and general disposition. 

Only you can decide how similar you want your partner to be, and how important that is to you.

Children

Do you want children? Do they? This is one of the bigger questions on this list, and is usually non-negotiable for either person involved. 

You might already have children, in which case whoever you date must be comfortable with that. 

This is usually one of the most important parts of any relationship checklist. 

Should You Have A Relationship Checklist?

A relationship checklist can help you get your priorities in order, which some of us desperately need. 

Sometimes it’s only by getting everything out on paper in front of us that we realise that we really do need our partner to be taller than us, or to like going to the theatre, or to share the same political beliefs. 

Understanding more about what you want is a good thing, and it will help you see things more clearly when you might otherwise get carried away by emotions, something that happens a lot when you start seeing someone new and exciting.

However, a relationship checklist can also close you off to certain possibilities: if someone doesn’t meet all your criteria, you might assume they’re no good for you, and miss a great opportunity. 

Also, these checklists can be shallow, focused on looks, money, and success. Often these checklists don’t include deeper emotional elements like kindness, reliability, and stability. 

If you’ve been struggling with dating, or you’re certain you want a serious relationship, maybe a make a dating checklist. 

It will set out what you need, and can help you understand who might be a good match for you. 

If you’ve been using a checklist for a while and haven’t been making much progress, it’s possible you’re being too strict with your rules. 

Look back over them and reassess how important it is that they earn a certain amount of money, or that they support the same sports team. 

Only you can decide if this kind of checklist will help you find someone to be with. 

Read more about why you should be honest about what you want from dating.

Learn how to date when you have a busy career.