Almost everyone is on some form of social media. It has become a large part of our lives, with some people even making a living from what they post.
The average person spends around two hours a day on social media, watching, sharing, and of course, posting.
We’re now also more likely than ever to meet someone through social media.
People slide in DMs everyday, so it’s highly likely that social media will have some kind of impact on how you date.
If you or the person you’re dating have an active presence on social media, it’s pretty much inevitable that some part of your relationship will be shared online.
But what does that actually mean for our relationships?
Does social media change how we relate to and understand each other? Is it ever a substitute for face to face conversation? And why haven’t they liked your selfie that you put up fifteen minutes ago?
Social media has changed a lot over the last decade: how we talk, how we think, how we understand the world.
Here’s how it might be changing your relationships.
How Social Media Impacts Relationships:
Social Media Can Make Us Miserable
It’s no secret that social media isn’t always great for us. Some studies have linked social media use to higher levels of depression, anxiety, loneliness, jealousy, and narcissism.
Of course, social media can be an amazing way of keeping in touch with friends and meeting new people, but it can have a profound and pervasive negative effect on us if we’re not careful - and this gets compounded when we bring our relationships into it.
The vast majority of things we post online are celebratory, aspirational, or full-on bragging.
This can create a split between the life we pretend we have on social media, and the real life we actually have, where things aren’t always perfect.
Since we only use social media to show off a kind of highlight reel of our lives, that doesn’t leave us much space for the messier aspects that a relationship will almost certainly go through.
This can get even worse when we begin comparing ourselves or our relationships to things we see online, where everything is always perfect.
It Leads Us To Compare Ourselves And Our Partners To Other People
We all know we shouldn’t compare ourselves to people we see on social media.
Professional models and influencers spend hours working on photos, with teams of stylists, make up artists, and photo editors to make sure every shot is perfect.
If you compare yourself to this, you’ll probably end up feeling bad.
The same thing is true of relationships. People will only post the very best moments of their relationships: the holidays, the romantic dinners, the proposals.
The concept of #couplegoals invited us to compare our relationships to those we see played out online.
Of course, the people posting these pictures don’t show any arguments, they don’t write long posts about doing the washing up or cleaning the house together, and they don’t put the real work that a relationship needs on their stories.
A relationship isn’t fireworks and champagne all the time, but that’s probably all you see on social media.
These pictures aren’t accurate, they don’t tell the complete story.
Remember that all relationships are different.
As long as you are happy in yours, that’s all you need.
Relationships Become A Performance
Since everyone is posting all the time, social media posts tend to be as flamboyant as possible to get as much attention as they can.
When this gets mixed up with our relationships, we sometimes start to hype things up, or turn authentic moments of closeness into performances to be captured and shared.
Everyone has seen elaborate proposal videos, dramatic valentine’s presents, or surprise gifts designed to get likes, rather than to make our partner feel special.
This behaviour is often tied to making an ex jealous.
We Still Follow Our Exes
Some people still follow their exes or have exes who follow them on social media.
This can complicate your new relationships, especially if your new partner sees your ex liking your stuff.
If you’re not over your ex, you might catch yourself posting a PDA pic or gushing about a date you went on, just to make them jealous.
Or worse, you might find yourself stalking their new relationship, scrutinising every expression for a hint of unhappiness, or a sign that, in fact, they’re better than ever.
This is unhealthy. Don’t do it.
Your Partner Might Not Want To Share Details About The Relationship Online
Most of us have posted something that was TMI about our relationships in the past.
But this can upset or embarrass our partners, revealing something that they would have rather you’d kept private.
You wouldn’t like it if they shared something about you without asking first, so in general, it’s probably best to check with your partner before sharing something about them online.
We Don’t Pay Attention To Our Partners
We’ve all been guilty of scrolling through Instagram when we should have been spending time with our partner.
This is often harmless, something to do while they cook dinner or figure out what to put on Netflix.
But if you’re ignoring your partner while they’re trying to talk to you, it can make them feel like you don’t value them, which can lead to larger problems for your relationship.
Social media algorithms are designed to keep your attention for as long as possible.
Using certain social media apps triggers the release of dopamine in our brains - which can be habit forming.
Because we’ve been conditioned to check our phones every time we get a notification, it can be difficult for two people to really spend time together and interact without going on their social media.
If you check your phone during a romantic dinner, you’re telling them that your news feed or timeline is more important than they are.
Put your phone away, and make sure your partner knows they’re a priority for you.
Social Media Can’t Replace Real Conversation
It’s important to remember that social media will never be a substitute for real conversation between you and your partner.
Being able to look them in the eye, hear their voice and see their body language makes it easier to understand each other, especially during difficult conversations.
Spending quality time together is important for building and maintaining your relationship. Don’t neglect it.
Of course, social media has also made it easier for us to maintain long-distance relationships, meet new people, and share our interests with our partners.
It doesn’t have to have a negative impact on your relationship.
Read more about how to have a healthy relationship.