Dating requires intimacy, trust, vulnerability. These aren’t always easy, and can be huge hurdles to overcome. 

While dating can be extremely exciting, it can also be nerve-racking, especially if you are a naturally anxious person. It can be much worse if you have an anxiety disorder.

Anxiety is usually highest at the start of a relationship, when you don’t yet know the person. 

There are ways to cope with this, and ways you can make things easier for yourself when you do go on a date. 

Whether you’re looking to start dating for the first time, or if you’re getting back in the game, here are some tips to help you overcome your anxiety and have a great date. 

How To Date When You Have Anxiety:

Practice Dealing With Things That Make You Anxious

There’s a technique in dealing with anxiety known as ‘exposure’, where you can slowly begin to train yourself to deal with things that make you anxious. 

If meeting someone for the first time stresses you out, or if you hate making small talk, these are things you can practice in less high-pressure situations than on a first date. 

The more you deal with these things, the better you get at handling them. After enough practice, those things eventually won’t pose a problem to you anymore. 

Don’t Focus On Thoughts That Aren’t Helpful

People with anxiety often spend hours or even days thinking and worrying about things that might go wrong before a big event like a date. 

Certain thoughts can be louder than others, often the ones that are least helpful to us. Overly negative thoughts won’t do anything to actually prepare you for the date, they’ll just grind you down and make you more anxious. 

It can take a long time to get good at recognising which thoughts are helpful and which are not, but once you get into the habit of doing it, you can immediately start to have more control over your mental state, which will make dating much easier. 

Have The Date Somewhere Familiar

When setting up a date, it might help you to have it somewhere familiar, where you can relax. 

Don’t be afraid to be active in the organising of the date, especially if you know you can make things easier for yourself by having it somewhere you know. 

Read more about how to have a good first date. 

Try To Relax

No one has ever had a good first date while being on edge. 

If you’re constantly watching what you say and trying to give the ‘best’ answer rather than saying what you actually think, your date isn’t getting to know you, they’re getting to know the person you think they want. But that isn’t you. 

It might sound cliche, but you should always be yourself. 

Read more about why you should be honest when dating. 

Get To Know The Person Before You Meet Them

Getting to know them before you meet up for a date can take a lot of pressure off, because you’ll already know you're compatible. There's nothing worse than being on a date where you slowly realise you have nothing in common with the person, all because you didn't spend a day or two making conversation before agreeing to meet up.

If you have spoken to them, this will also give you some topics to talk about, meaning there won't be any award silences, which is always good.

Do Something Fun! 

With all the stress we go through getting ready for a date, we can sometimes forget that dating is supposed to be fun. 

If you have something in common you both enjoy, you should absolutely do that for your first date! 

Make sure you take the time to enjoy yourself - if you’re having fun, your date probably is too. 

Don’t Put Pressure On Yourself

When on a date, we often worry about whether the other person likes us or not. It’s more helpful to focus on whether or not you like them. 

You can’t control whether they like you or not, and you can’t read their thoughts. So it’s much better for you to consider if you find them attractive, if you enjoy their company, and if you have things in common.

This puts you in an active role in the dating process, you have power and control and agency, and this gives you the ability to make decisions.

Use Online Dating To Meet People At Your Own Pace

Online dating is a great way to open up new opportunities and find yourself exciting new dates. With the frantic pace of modern life, it can be difficult to have time to meet new people in during your day. 

By forming connections and chatting with people online, you can do things in your own time and never have to worry about a missed connection again. 

Another benefit is the fact that no matter what you’re looking for, there’s somebody for you. If you’re gay, straight, bisexual or anything else between, you’ll quickly be able to find people looking for the same thing as you. 

Learn 7 ways to get more matches on dating apps. 

Don’t Take Dating Too Seriously

Almost everyone will have a bad date at some point. If you have a date that doesn’t work out, it doesn’t mean you should give up on dating forever. We tend to agonise over what went wrong, and blame ourselves for things completely out of our control. This isn’t helpful, and is a habit you should work on dropping. 

The best advice is simply to be patient, and above all to be kind to yourself. All dates are learning opportunities: you can find out a lot about yourself and what you want just by going on dates and meeting new people. 

Keep confident that the right person will come along soon, and things may happen faster than you expect.

Here’s why you need to forget everything you thought you knew about online dating, or learn about how to go from a match to a date.