Jealousy is something that every relationship has to deal with at some point. It might be small, or it might be a big thing that you struggle with. 

An important thing to remember is that, no matter how hard pop songs or movies might try to convince us otherwise, jealousy is bad. It’s not ‘proof’ that someone cares, it’s not exciting, and it shouldn’t be tolerated or celebrated. 

It’s an unhealthy emotion that can infect your relationship, and could potentially destroy it. It can also turn you into a negative, bitter, or controlling person. 

Think about it: what does being jealous get you? What do you gain from it? Jealousy leads to more jealousy, and can cause you to actively seek out problems, or to manufacture them just justify your own jealousy. 

If jealousy has become a common part of your relationship, if you’re constantly arguing about it, or if jealous thoughts are a constant part of your mind, you should try to figure out why that is, and take steps to becoming less jealous. 

How To Stop Being Jealous:

Look At Your Insecurities And Work On Them

Jealousy often stems from our insecurities. 

These are often deep issues in our psychology, they might have been formed in childhood, in the relationships we had with our parents, or from past romantic relationships we’ve had that hurt us. 

Whatever happened in the past wasn’t your fault, and it wasn’t the fault of the person you’re dating either. Don’t punish yourself or them over something that happened a long time ago. 

These insecurities can leave us thinking we’re not good enough, not smart enough, not attractive enough, and that it’s only a matter of time until our partners will realise this and leave us. But when we assess things calmly and rationally, we know that that isn’t true.

Looking at these insecurities can be painful, but examining where they came from and why they have such a persistent hold over us is the first step to overcoming jealousy. 

From there, you need to unlearn these insecurities. This takes time, and definitely isn’t easy. 

While you can’t necessarily learn to love every single part of yourself overnight, one of the fastest ways to stop being jealous is to stop comparing yourself to other people. 

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Jealousy can cause us to compare ourselves to others. This could be anyone we think our partner might be interested in, or anyone we think is more attractive than us. It could be a single person: an ex, someone they work with, or one of their friends. 

Unfortunately, there are now more ways for us to compare ourselves to other people than ever before. Social media gives us a window into the lives of others, and it can be hard to stop looking at the posts of someone we’re intensely jealous or suspicious of. 

But this isn’t helpful or healthy behaviour. Comparing yourself to others is a waste of time, and it’s pretty much guaranteed to make you feel awful. 

This can be difficult, so it’s important to talk to your partner about how you’re feeling. 

Communicate With Your Partner

When trying to overcome jealousy, you should keep your partner informed about how you’re feeling, and if you’re struggling with anything. 

It’s important to not blame your partner when you’re expressing your feelings, remember to be constructive. Explain what you’re feeling, and why. Try your best to remain calm, this should be a dialogue, not an argument. 

Challenge Your Negative Thoughts

Even when you’re consciously trying to stop being jealous, those thoughts can still creep in. Jealousy is often irrational, meaning you can challenge these thoughts. Your thoughts aren’t the same as reality. Don’t allow yourself to indulge in thoughts that aren’t helpful. 

Just because you’ve had a jealous thought, doesn’t mean you have to linger or act on it.

Once you’ve been doing this for a while, it will get easier and easier to recognise irrational thoughts, and to just let them go. 

Fighting jealousy is a process, one that you will have to go through again and again. But it gets a little easier each time you do. The less jealous you are, the better your relationship will be. 

Trust your partner. Trust yourself. You can’t control other people, you can only control how you react to things. You don’t have to let jealousy control your life.