You’ve probably heard that you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. 

While some people argue that not everyone can love themselves, it is a fact that relationships take two people who are secure and comfortable with themselves as individuals. 

Relationships don’t work if we don’t have healthy levels of self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect. Without these, we would be waiting for something to go wrong, or sabotaging our relationships because we believe we don’t deserve them. 

If we are constantly putting ourselves down, doubting ourselves, or thinking we’re not good enough for our partner, our relationship will suffer. 

People with low self-esteem are also less likely to believe their partner loves them, they’re less likely to be satisfied with their relationship, and less likely to believe that relationship will last. 

This of course makes it difficult for that partner to have their feelings heard, felt, or appreciated. These beliefs can put a strain on the relationship, or even end it. 

You need to believe you are worthy of love to have a successful relationship, and improving your self-esteem will improve almost every area of your life, not just your relationship.

Learning to love yourself can be difficult, but it can really can lead to positive change. 

Why You Should Love Yourself

There’s a proven correlation between high self-esteem and relationship success. 

If both people have the same level of self-worth, it means they’re both equals in the relationship. 

This removes any tension or uncertainty about how the two of you are feeling, and gives you a strong foundation from which to open communication if there are ever any problems. 

Beyond that, having higher levels of confidence can help your personal life. 

Once you know your own worth, you start holding yourself and the rest of the world to a higher standard, putting yourself forward and getting your needs met. 

This leads to self-growth, the kind of personal development that only comes from knowing you deserve to be happy. 

When you really love yourself, you don’t need anyone else’s approval to feel good about yourself. If you love yourself, you know who you are, what you want, and what you’re worth. 

It can be difficult to start loving yourself, but here are some areas to start working on.

How To Start Loving Yourself:

Take Your Own Happiness Seriously

We’re sometimes taught that we need another person in our lives to be happy. This just isn’t true. 

Happiness isn’t a thing you’re given; it’s something you do, you have to work at it and cultivate it. 

Having someone else in your life won’t miraculously make you happy - you have to be happy on your own first. 

This takes time. Especially if you have low self-esteem, it’s something that you have to work at every single day. But it's so worth it, and it can improve your life dramatically across your relationships, career, and your own inner personal life. 

Getting yourself in a positive frame of mind will help with learning to love yourself. 

Find Things About Yourself You Like Or Are Proud Of

Start with something small. Absolutely everyone has something about themselves they like. 

It could be something physical: like your hair, your eyes, or your smile. 

It could be something about your personality: your sense of humour, your creativity, your passion. 

These are often the first things that cause others to fall in love with us. 

If you really can’t think of anything about yourself that you like, ask your partner, or your friends for things that they like about you. You might be surprised with how much they say. 

Don’t shut down or close yourself off from these positive traits. Listen to them, accept them, and appreciate them. Find at least one that you agree with, and keep that in mind when you’re struggling with loving yourself. 

You can then start to build on this, finding other things about yourself that you like. This will eventually lead to you loving yourself for your positive traits, and accepting your flaws. 

This is the next step, and it’s one of the most difficult. 

Accept Your Flaws

Accepting your flaws is really, really hard. We all have things about ourselves we’ve like to change, but most of these are outside of our control. 

Learning to let go of these can take years, but once you do, it can be literally life changing. 

Ask yourself this question: is hating your flaws making your life better? 

No. It’s making you insecure and miserable. 

You don’t have to love every little thing about yourself, but you can let go of hating things you can’t change. 

This acceptance of your flaws is incredibly freeing, and is a radical step that will make self-love much easier for you.

Don’t judge yourself too harshly, and don’t reinforce negativity with how you speak to yourself. 

All of us are guilty of being our own harshest critic from time to time, but you can break the habit with how you handle these moments. 

Recognise that you’re trying to change, and give yourself a break when you’re not making as much progress as you’d like. 

Of course, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to improve yourself. If you’re a naturally jealous person, you shouldn’t just shrug and accept that ‘that’s just how you are.’

Be better! Stop being jealous!

Some elements of you need to change, and that change has to come from within. Changing for the better is something to be proud of, and you can begin to look back at the person you used to be and see how far you’ve come.

You have to work at being the best version of yourself you can be. Don’t give up, and keep moving forward. 

Work Towards Your Personal Goals

When we start a new relationship, we often put our plans on hold while we get to know an exciting new person. 

But once you’ve gotten to know them, and are comfortable with where you are, don’t sacrifice your plans or goals for your relationship. 

Whether it’s your career or personal goals like exercise, travel, or artistic expression, working on something that is just for you will give you a sense of accomplishment.

Focusing on what you want out of life, working towards your goals, and realising what you’re truly capable of is one of the best ways to start loving yourself.

Remember that learning to love yourself is a process, it’s something you have to learn and relearn everyday. 

Read more about how to have a healthy relationship.

Learn why you should look after yourself first when you’re in a relationship.