Cushioning is the act of looking for other potential dating prospects while you’re already seeing someone. It acts as an insurance policy in case the relationship gets boring, or starts to end.

Whether it’s messaging, flirting, or actually going on dates with other people, cushioning can verge on cheating if you’re in a relationship.

People start cushioning because they’re unhappy, and want to start looking for someone new before they’ve officially ended things, or it could be because they’re just keeping things casual and want to see what else is out there. 

Keeping your options open isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it is unfair to both the person you’re seeing and the people you’re leading on. 

To some extent, this behaviour has always been a problem, but it’s becoming more common. 

Why Cushioning Has Become A Thing:

People Aren’t Ready To Commit

Thanks to dating apps, we can now match, talk to, and date more people than ever before. It can be very difficult to decide on just one person to commit to if we’ve got a dozen of others vying for our attention. 

Cushioning can also stop us from getting too invested in someone before knowing they’re worth it. 

This is a helpful strategy for people who might get too attached too quickly, but for others they use it as a way of keeping themselves safe from getting hurt as the cost of developing a deeper relationship. 

Of course, if you don’t commit, you never get the deeper connection that comes with a committed relationship.

For people who are only looking to date casually, this is fine, but for others, they might not be making themselves happy in the long-term. 

People Might Not Want To Be Monogamous

Seeing more than one person doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Some people continue to look for others to date because they don’t want to date just one person. 

If you ever find yourself trying to choose between two or more people that you’re talking to, it could be that you don’t actually want to choose. 

If that’s the case, consider reading about non-monogamy and polyamory, the practice of having multiple romantic partners. 

Likewise, if you know someone you’re seeing is dating other people, it might be worth talking to them about why that is, and whether that’s right for you.

Once everyone involved is aware and happy with the situation, this stops being ‘cushioning’ and just… dating. 

As long as everyone knows what’s going on, this can be a healthy way for everyone to get their needs met, emotionally and otherwise. 

People Are Ready For Something New

The actual term cushioning comes from the person getting ready to cushion their breakup with a new partner. This is for when they’re in a serious relationship but know it’s going to end, so start looking for someone new. They might have been stringing someone along for a few months, just as a self-esteem boost, and are ready to take things to the next level as soon as their relationship is over. 

This is purely to avoid getting hurt: often the ‘cushion’ isn’t particularly special, they’re just someone who happens to be convenient at the time. 

Cushioning is never going to be a long-term solution if you’re having relationship problems. 

Talking to someone else about your relationship won’t make things better, and investing emotional energy in someone else will leave you with less for your partner. 

Learn about other modern dating trends like breadcrumbing, and ghosting.

Read about what to do if you’re sick of dating.