Breadcrumbing is a disturbing trend in online dating. Being strung along in the 21st Century means having to deal with inconsistent messages, intermittent likes on your social media, and being uncertain about whether someone is actually interested in you. 

It’s not fun, but there are ways to avoid being breadcrumbed.

What Is Breadcrumbing?

If ghosting is where someone will disappear with no communication, breadcrumbing is where someone will string a potential match along, keeping them on the hook with little compliments and messages, even though they have no intention of ever letting things develop into an actual relationship. 

This can be because they want someone as a back-up, or just because they like having some extra attention to boost their ego. 

It’s characterised by flirtatious messages, the vaguest hints of plans together, or future scenarios where they might be ready for a relationship. However these messages are always non-committal, so you shouldn’t believe them. 

Breadcrumbing is always low-effort on the part of whoever is sending the messages. They won’t be consistent, they won’t be substantial, and they won’t lead to anything real. 

Don’t let yourself be breadcrumbed, it will be nothing but a big waste of time and lead to disappointment. 

If you suspect you might be being breadcrumbed, here are some things to look out for. 

Signs Someone Is Breadcrumbing You:

The Messages Are Sporadic

Breadcrumbing is defined by inconsistent messages, sent at random times, days, weeks, or even months apart. These messages are always sent on their terms, they’ll never actually enter into a long conversation. 

They might have an excuse as to why they do this, but the fact is that you’re not a priority for them. 

The Messages Are Meaningless

Breadcrumb messages are nearly always vague and non-committal, so they’re pretty much meaningless. These messages are designed to draw you back into talking to them, and to give you hope of something happening without actually committing to anything - don’t let yourself fall for it. 

They Never Want To Meet Up

If someone is breadcrumbing you, they’ll never want to meet up in person. They’ll likely never have agreed to a date, or if they did, they cancelled. 

The quickest way to find out if you’re being breadcrumbed is by asking them on a date. If they say they’re busy, or end up flaking on you, you should consider taking action against this happening again.

What To Do If You’re Being Breadcrumbed:

Give Them An Ultimatum 

If you’re getting a vague message from them every couple of days and you suspect you’re being strung along, it might be worth sending them a message saying something along the lines of:

‘Hey I feel like this isn’t really going anywhere, if you are actually interested in me I think we should [get a drink/watch a movie/get dinner] this week.’

This gives them a chance to correct their behaviour and actually meet you. If not, you know they’re a time waster. 

Whatever they say after this point should give you a concrete idea of what their actual intentions are, and whether they’re worth continuing with. Honest and clear communication is the fastest way to ensure that everyone knows where they stand.

Read more about why you should be honest about what you want on dating apps. 

Break The Pattern

If you always reply to their messages, mix things up and make them wait for a change. If they’re used to you always being eager to reply, being forced to wait might make them realise that you won’t always be available for them. 

If they see that you haven’t replied and maintain silence however, it might just be time to move on. 

Block And Move On

If you’re sure you’re being breadcrumbed, if this person is popping up once a month with a half-hearted message or an excuse about how they’ve been ‘so busy’, it might be worth just blocking them. 

If you’re looking for something real, you shouldn’t put up with someone who clearly isn’t going to give you what you want. You don’t owe this person anything, especially if they’ve been wasting your time. 

Cutting someone off might be the best move, and will almost certainly be better for you in the long-run.