New dating trends are emerging all the time. Ghosting, breadcrumbing, and cushioning are just some of the more questionable trends to look out for, but paperclipping is perhaps the most annoying.
Messaging apps allow people to fade in and out of our lives, occasionally dropping a text or picking up a conversation, before disappearing as quickly as they popped up.
This is taken to a new extreme in the form of Paperclipping.
What Is Paperclipping?
Paperclipping is a pattern of behaviour named after Clippy, that annoying Microsoft paperclip from the 90’s that popped up at random times with a message you didn’t ask for.
It is characterised by someone you were speaking to or seeing a while ago suddenly messaging out of the blue, even though whatever spark you had has long since fizzled out. This pattern then repeats itself: silence, text, silence.
Don’t stand for it.
Why Is Paperclipping Becoming More Common?
Paperclipping fulfills a need for connection, or at least offers the possibility of connection.
People reach out because they’re lonely or bored, hoping for attention. Human beings actively seek out connections, but doing that without considering the needs of the other person is selfish.
The person who engages in paperclipping relies on intermittent communication to increase their self-worth.
If you reply to their sudden text, you validate them, reinforcing their behaviour. They want to feel special, and you replying to their text gives them that.
Because online interactions are becoming more common, unfortunately ghosting is becoming more common too.
Because we can meet and chat with so many new people, some people take their interactions for granted.
Allowing them to continue can lead to confusion, hurt feelings, and if it continues, a deeper connection just won’t be possible.
Ultimately, paperclipping stops either person from finding a fully satisfying relationship.
So how can you deal with it?
What To Do If You’re Being Paperclipped:
Don’t Give Them A Second Chance
When you reply to someone who’s paperclipping you, you’re feeding the cycle. Even if they occasionally say something funny or charming, you shouldn’t just give them the benefit of the doubt because they send you a message.
If they’ve ghosted in the past, or let weeks go by without talking to you, don’t get excited when they do finally come back to you with a half-hearted ‘how are you?’
Remember that you don’t owe them a reply, you don’t owe them your energy, and you don’t have to continue with them if they aren’t bringing anything good to your life.
Call Them Out
One way to deal with being paperclipped is to call the person out, and ask why they continue to try to talk to you despite the fact that neither of you is really interested.
They may not be aware that they’re doing it.
If you call them out, they may change their behaviour, in which case they might still be worth talking to. If they don’t, however, it might be time to block.
Block Them
If you raise the issue of their behaviour and they continue messaging you at completely random times weeks down the line, block them.
You don’t need to put up with someone who is clearly wasting your time. Just move on.
Paperclipping is an annoying trend, but it doesn’t have to be one you need to deal with.
If we challenge negative behaviour, we can begin to change it.
Read more of our tips for dating someone new.
