Written by Alix Fox, sex educator, writer, and podcaster.
At Badoo, we’re all about honest dating, so let’s get honest about sex for a sec: I know that right now, during lockdown, a lot of you are more horny than a rhinoceros playing “Let’s Get It On” on a Wagner tuba.
You’re so ready to climb all over somebody that you may as well be carrying ropes and carabiner clips and have crampons attached to your shoes. Your carnal appetite is at Augustus Gloop levels of greed, and you could compete with Veruca Salt when it comes to WANTING IT NOW.
But at present, for the sake of personal and public safety, for many of us our love lives must be more like Mike Teavee: focused on the remote.
Because COVID-19 is primarily passed on via the air that comes out of your mouth or nose when you breathe or cough in close proximity to someone, that means it’s essential to keep your dick-stance and for your foof to remain aloof: things like kissing, fondling and in-person sex with a partner you’re not already in a ‘social bubble’ with are all pretty much off the cards.
Instead, the healthiest and most responsible way to satiate your lust is via masturbation – whether that means satisfying yourself entirely alone, or with a lover via video or phone.
In some people’s heads, fiddling with themselves plays second fiddle to coupled activities. They see masturbation as a compromise; a consolation prize that’s not as satisfying as partnered action like oral or penetration.
Yet making yourself come solo has so much going for it: for a start, you get to please yourself precisely on your own terms and in your own time, without worrying that you’re being selfish.
It can hold immense benefits for physical and psychological health, such as helping to relieve stress; aiding sleep; easing period pain; and improving self-image, since when your body makes you feel good, it’s not so hard to feel good about your body.
Masturbating is the ideal opportunity to try out new toys and techniques and work out what you like; what you loathe; and where your limits are, in utter privacy and without pressure.
Not that a partner should ever push you to do anything you’re not keen on, of course, but sometimes having an audience can make experimenting feel more nerve-wracking and high stakes even if you’re into it; establishing how what something like anal play or a vibrator feels like alone first can make you more confident to dabble when you’re in a duo.
“Buffin’ the muffin” can help you become a better lover, too: you can train yourself to last longer, or work out what buttons to push to speed up your excitement.
Once you’ve figured out how to please yourself, for yourself, by yourself, it’s easier to replicate that in company.
Plus, add a little imagination to your masturbation, and it’s anything but monotonous. There are so many ways you can switch things up when it comes to “flicking your switch”, to make self-pleasure a genuinely exciting, adventurous and even revelatory experience.
Here are 12 suggestions to try that will ensure the next time you knock one out, you’ll knock it outta the park.
Ways To Make Masturbation Even Better:
1. SHARPEN YOUR SENSORY AWARENESS WITH 'SENSATE FOCUS'
This practice encourages you to get into the habit of noting and savouring even the most delicate everyday pleasurable feelings, and helps you become more aware of your whole body’s capacity to thrill you...because joy doesn’t only stem from the genitals!
For instance, in the shower, pay attention to how the droplets of water feel everywhere from your scalp to your toes; give yourself a mini massage as you dry off with your towel; and take a moment to really enjoy the scent of your daily cup of coffee. Noticing more gives you more to play with, and lean into.
2. TRY SOME SELF-REFLECTION
Masturbating in front of a mirror can be great for building positive self-image, as you’ll start to associate the bod you see with pleasure, and appreciate how fantastically skilled the flesh you inhabit can be at making you feel amazing. Use quarantine to become a better buddy to your body.
3. SWITCH YOUR D.I.Y. FROM P.M. TO A.M.
Lots of people save their do-it-yourself delight time for night time, but there’s something about treating yourself to a personal passion session when you wake that really sets you up for a great day!
I like to add a mild exhibitionist edge by opening my bedroom window but keeping the blinds drawn, so I can feel the breeze and hear the world coming to life as I come… GOOD MORNING.
4. MOVE YOUR HIPS, NOT YOUR HANDS
Try thrusting and grinding onto your hand (or a toy), moving your pelvis rather than your palm. A simple change, but an impactful one.
I like to move in time to music, and have been building a brand new ‘Playtime Playlist’ after I realised that a lot of my go-to sexytime tracks had associations with old relationships and experiences.
You could play ‘Distance DJ’ with a date, and take turns to select a song, building a mood-enhancing mixtape as a pair, or set a challenge to play a different type of music as you masturbate every night for a week – from dramatic classical; to futuristic electronica; slinky, smoky jazz; or maybe the soundtrack to a sultry movie or TV show you’ve discovered during the 2020 bingeing we’ve all been mainlining – and see how it influences your attitude and guides the way you touch yourself.
5. STAY SAFE AND SOUND
Music isn’t the only thing you can pump through your speakers while you…um…pump yourself in deliciously unspeakable ways.
YouTube is full of soundscapes – ocean waves, thunderstorms, birdsong in tropical forests or rain tap-tap-tapping on the roof of a cosy log cabin – that can help you mentally spirit yourself to another place on an escapist masturbation vacation while staying safely inside your home IRL.
You might want to explore the growing trend of audio erotica, or sexual ASMR: recordings of X-rated role plays produced to seem as though they’re being personally whispered into your ears, designed to send the best kind of shivers down your spine. Enhance the stereo effect by listening through headphones.
6. GRAB A TUBE OF LUBE
Many folks consider lubricant solely to be a product designed to facilitate partnered penetrative sex, but it can add multiple new sensations to solo play, no matter your genitalia or gender identity, and make familiar strokes or favourite toys feel electrifyingly different.
Thicker, more viscous lubes enhance textures and resistance, while smoother, silkier styles make everything glide. Pop a bottle in the fridge to add a chill to your thrill on sticky summer nights. Speaking of which…
7. I MIST OUT
On hot evenings, I’ve got into standing naked in front of a fan and spritzing my nude self with cool water scented with essential oils while I let my fingers wander. I’m even bidding on a vintage perfume atomiser on eBay to really enhance the aesthetics and almost ritualistic sense of honouring my body (plus, I intend to use it to put my own personal spritzy spin on massages once I’m allowed to caress another human again!).
It’s refreshing; the mist landing softly on my skin helps me ‘tune into’ even the most gentle senses (see Tip 1, fap fans); and frankly, once my activity becomes more…vigorous…and my body temperature rises, it stops me feeling more clammy than a seafood banquet. It’s summertime masturbation without expiration via evaporation!
PS: water drops gleaming on skin sheened with scented massage oil, lit by candles = a really sexy selfie to send, that doesn’t have to show anything more than a shoulder or collarbone to be artistically titillating. Perfect if you want to share a visual tease with a date without being explicit.
8. OPEN THE DOOR OF YOUR IMAGINATION
Lean your back against a door as you stroke yourself, and imagine someone on the other side, doing the same… If you’re at a stage in dating where you feel confident sexting someone, then this is a great scenario to enact and describe together on the phone, while you’re both in the same position in your respective bedrooms. Can you (door) handle the tension?!
9. THEN GRADUATE TO AN A-DOOR-ABLE STRIPTEASE IF YOU’RE MASTUR-DATING
Want to take your clothes off on camera during a distance date-n-masturbate, but new to the whole virtual video va-va-voom thing and not got faith that you can remove your clobber without looking like a nobber? The door is once again your friend.
Set your phone up so it’s filming the doorway. Walk behind the door, so you’re hidden; take off your first piece of clothing; and teasingly dangle it round the edge of the door.
Keep going, item by item – you can open the door from time to time to give your lover a bonus flash if you fancy, but basically this means that you don’t have to worry about them seeing you struggling with a tricky bra clasp or hopping about like a peg-leg pirate trying to pull off a sock.
All they feel is a glorious sense of building anticipation at seeing you in your lingerie/undies/birthday suit/whatever suits your comfort levels at the end. It all looks like a cool novel stunt, but it stops you feeling like a total Jeremy Hunt.
10. BEDTIME STORIES
Swap porn for paperbacks, and get (c)literary with a steamy novel or short story sourced from a free website like Literotica.com.
This is especially useful if you’d like to experiment with talking dirty over the phone or on video during a mutual masturbation session, but panic that you won’t know what to say: just read. You could record and send voicenotes if reading aloud live feels intimidating.
11. BECOME AN EDGETARIAN
‘Edging’ is an exercise in which you stimulate yourself until you’re at the very brink of orgasm; ease up or pause; then build the feeling back up again.
Doing it repeatedly can result in an i-n-t-e-n-s-e climax, and also help you gain greater control of when you hit The Big O.
If you find yourself about to peak and want to slow down, you don’t have to resort to the antique trick of thinking about off putting things like defrosting the freezer/dust mites/filing cabinets/processed ham to de-escalate your excitement, which ruins the fun and takes you out of the moment.
Instead, try the Tantric approach of shifting your focus to a more subtle but still pleasurable sensation in your body, away from your groin, like your hair brushing the back of your neck or the sheets against the soles of your feet (yes folks, it’s The Return Of Tip 1: Part 2 – Stay Hard With A Vengance).
That way, you still feel luscious – just not overwhelmingly I’m-gonna-blow so.
12. TEACH YOURSELF TO BECOME CONDOMINANT
If you’re a penis-owning person who’s always felt a bit awkward about putting on condoms; finds they affect your enjoyment or ability to maintain an erection during sex because you’re not used to the sensation; or you’ve not yet discovered a brand that fits and feels best for you, now is the time to take charge of that situation and sort out your skills.
The transmission of STIs has dropped during locklock, and we have a unique opportunity to keep those rates low once we’re allowed to frolic and fornicate again by using protection.
Order condoms in a range of sizes, materials and styles, and try a different type of rubber when you next rub one out. Practice rolling them on and pleasuring yourself while wearing one until it feels second nature. Become a condom don.
Alix Fox is an award-winning writer & broadcaster who specialises in ‘decently indecent’ sex ed. She’s a script consultant for hit Netflix series Sex Education; presenter on BBC Radio 1’s Unexpected Fluids comedy sex show; resident X-rated Agony Aunt on The Modern Mann podcast; and advisor on all things erotic for Channel 4’s The Sex Clinic.
Find her @AlixFox on Instagram.
