Deciding to move in together is a big step. It’s the start of an exciting new chapter in your relationship, one that can see the two of you become much closer. However, there may still be hurdles to overcome, changes in your relationship dynamic to navigate, and a new living situation to get used to.
If you’ve moved in with an ex and it didn’t go well, you might know some of these challenges, or if you’ve never moved in with someone you might have no idea what to expect.
The truth is, when you first move in together, no matter how well-suited you are to each other, there’s always an adjustment period. It’s a big change, and it takes some time to get used to.
Suddenly the relationship is much more serious, and you see each other in a different light, often in ways you never have before. This can mean increased intimacy, a stronger relationship, and living with your favourite person.
Here are just some of the ways your life and your relationship can change when you move in together.
How Things Change When You Move In With Your Partner:
They’re There All The Time
The most noticeable and immediate change when you and your partner move in together is that they’re suddenly there, in your house, all the time. This can be wonderful, with the two of you spending more time together, growing closer together, and finding new things you love about each other.
However, if you’ve gone from only seeing each once a week to suddenly being around each other all the time, this can be a big jump.
Establishing boundaries is vital to ensuring the two of you don’t get on each other’s nerves.
We all need time alone sometimes, and some people need more space than others. By the time you’re ready to move in together, you should know if your partner needs a certain amount of time alone.
When you’re dating, space is built into the relationship. You might go days, or even weeks without seeing each other. But when you live together, all the space between you disappears.
This is a lot for some people to handle. If the two of you have different intimacy needs, bring it up as early as you can. Leaving this issue unspoken will only make things worse, with one partner becoming anxious and needy, driving the other away.
If you’re struggling with this, you should absolutely state your desires, whether that’s to have more or less time alone. Your partner should respect them, and make strides to ensure you feel cared for, whether that’s by giving you space, or putting aside time for intimacy. The two of you can find a balance, it just takes a little work.
This is similar to the next issue: loss of alone time.
Your ‘Me Time’ Becomes ‘Us Time’
When you live apart, the two of you have to schedule time to hang out together. One of the biggest benefits of living together is that now you can do more things together than ever before.
Whether you’re marathoning shows together, or running actual marathons, now you can do more with your time, rather than travelling around trying to meet each other.
However, don’t think that because you now live together, you have to start doing everything together. If you have hobbies or activities you do on your own, keep them just for you.
Having a degree of freedom in your personal life can help give you a space to relax or just exist without your partner.
You Have To Start Organising Cooking And Cleaning
Some couples move in and achieve domestic bliss straight away. Others struggle with having to cook and clean up after each other.
For starters, one person might be much messier than the other ever realised. When dating, most people make an effort to tidy up, but once you’re living together, that can go out the window. You might have been ok with visiting a dirty place every few days, but living in one can sap your energy if you’re the kind of person who needs to live somewhere clean.
Tension over domestic chores can build up, leading to friction, resentment, and arguments. This can be dealt with by compromising. If one person never cooks, or never cleans, and never offers, they might have to start, if only to make the other person happy.
That’s what a relationship is. If they’re not willing to make a small change for the person they’re meant to be in love with, that might be a red flag.
You Have To Deal With Money
For some people, this is a big deal. Do you pay the rent equally, or alter the amount you each pay based on income? Do you share bills? Do you have a joint account?
You have to agree on budgets, and stick to them. This is difficult for some people who haven’t always been good at saving money. It’s generally a good idea to keep some autonomy over your own personal finances in any relationship
Dealing with money requires a level of honesty and trust that some people just aren’t equipped for, but it’s something you’ll have to bring up early on when you’re living together.
They’re Always There For You After A Long Day
The best thing about living together is that your favourite person is right there for you when you need them.
This is, after all, why you moved in together in the first place. No matter how stressful moving in together might have been, it will be worth it when you both come home to each other.
If any of these changes end up impacting your relationship, the best thing to do is to talk about it with your partner. Good communication can go a long way to calming things down before problems emerge.
Read more about the different stages of a relationship, or learn what to do once you’re past the honeymoon period.