There’s no way of avoiding it: social media has a huge impact on our relationships nowadays. Some daters even start researching their prospective partners, trying to scout out their Instagram and Twitter profiles, from not long after they’ve matched on dating apps like Badoo. That’s because our social media is a window into how we want to be perceived by the wider world and, to potential connections, is an important resource when it comes to working out our likes and interests – much like the dating profiles we use to connect in the first place.

Later on in the relationship, social media’s role can go from informative to affirmative: posting about your significant other can be a way of celebrating your connection. However, it can also pose lots of questions for relationships, the first and most pressing being: when is the right time to announce your new partner to your followers?

When is the right time to go social media official?

If you’ve been seeing someone new, it can be hard to know when to debut them on your social media profile and update your followers and acquaintances about the relationship. It also comes with a level of vulnerability: it’s a step forwards in terms of commitment and there’s always the anxiety that it won’t be reciprocated or that your expectations might not align with your new partner’s.

So, once you’ve started dating officially (whatever that means for you: some people see it as when you’ve agreed to stop seeing other people), it’s worth waiting a few weeks to settle into the new dynamic. Then, if you’re feeling secure, you can broach the topic with your new partner. Ask them whether they see it appropriate to post about the relationship on social media and how far into the relationship it would make sense to do it. Don’t be afraid to compare and contrast your own expectations around social media posting and try to find a middle ground which suits you both. As they say, communication is always key.

Soft launch vs hard launch

When debuting a new relationship on social media, there are lots of things to keep in mind – one of which is how you will go about it. In the past year or so, terms have cropped up to describe the degrees of subtlety or assertiveness with which individuals are introducing their new relationships to their grids or timelines.

For example, a ‘soft launch’ means choosing a very lowkey photo as your first post as a couple. This could involve sharing a picture of your hands clasped together or the side of your new partner’s face: especially if posted to your Instagram Story rather than grid.

A ‘hard launch’, however, could involve writing a long and heartfelt caption with a loved-up photo of you and your new beau or even posting a PDA session. More permanent formats (such as grid posts, videos, statuses) rather than fleeting formats (Instagram Stories) are preferred.

You might be able to scope out which method is more appropriate for you both by looking at your partner’s overall approach to social media. If they tend to be more restrained or pared-back when it comes to posting, a soft launch might be the safest way to go. But if expressive posts or more frequent updates are their thing, they might be expecting a hard launch.

Is there such a thing as posting your relationship to social media too soon?

It’s definitely possible in some cases to post about your relationship too soon. For example, if you or your partner have recently come out of a breakup, especially a significant one, it could be seen as in bad taste to post on social media with a new beau soon after. This is especially the case if the prior relationship ended on a sour note, or with any unresolved feelings. In this case, it makes sense to wait for at least a few months before you post as a sign of respect.

And then there’s the concern that if you post too early into a relationship, when you are still getting to know one another, you could break up shortly after. To introduce a new partner to your followers – which can include friends and family – can therefore feel a little riskier.

In both situations, it’s always best to talk directly with your new partner and bring up your concerns. If you’re worried that you’re moving too fast when it comes to posting things online, you can both agree to tone things down and take things at a gentler pace.

Could going social media official damage the relationship?

Even if both you and your partner agree to go social media official, there are some things to consider. There is a school of thought that says posting too much of your partner could be detrimental to the health of your relationship. This is because social media potentially opens up you, your partner and your relationship to public scrutiny, comments and judgement. However, if you keep your lives relatively off the internet, the only people you have to answer to are the two of you.

That’s not to say that there aren’t positives to posting about your partner on social media though. Some individuals find that it can be a source of validation, a way of keeping individuals in their network updated on the progress of the relationship and a way of emphasising your commitment to one another. Truth is, there are no two relationships that are the same, so it really comes down to – you guessed it – compromise and finding a middle ground that works for both of you.

Why won’t the person I’m dating post me on their social media?

It can be frustrating when your significant other doesn’t want to post about you on their social media. While there are loads of reasons why they might feel this way, it’s easy to imagine the worst: that they don’t value you, or even that they’re keeping their options open by pretending to be single. In most instances, however, individuals have valid reasons for not posting about their relationship.

Maybe they are still recovering from disentangling their digital lives from an ex, or maybe they just don’t spend a lot of time on social media or see it as unimportant. If you have serious concerns, it is worth vocalising them in a non-judgmental, non-confrontational way and opening the floor to your partner to explain their point of view. Remember that you and your partner don’t have to see eye-to-eye on every matter and social media can be one of the areas where you simply agree to disagree.