Words by Nick Levine

Making conversation on a dating app can be awkward, especially to begin with. After all, you're essentially trying to break the ice with a stranger while also showing yourself in the best possible light. To make things easier and give you the intel to power up your chats, we asked five women what they like – and really don't like – when they're getting to know a guy on a dating app. Everyone's personal preferences are slightly different, but there are definitely some solid takeaways from their honest opinions.

Emily, 35:

"Guys have got better at dating app chats than the last time I was single about four years ago. Most guys now ask questions based on the information I've put on my profile instead of just sending generic stuff like 'Hey how are you?' or 'What's your plan today?'. One guy started a chat by asking about my favourite fast food, which I found quite fun. I do like a quirky chat and I'd rather keep it lighthearted to begin with.

"I find it a bit annoying when guys send too many emojis in their chats. I also don't like it when they ask for my number too soon. I feel like there's no need to swap contact details until we're definitely going to arrange an IRL date. As a woman, safety is the number one priority, so if a guy blatantly disregards that, I know straight away that he's not worth bothering with."

Alex, 35:

"This might sound a bit picky, but poor punctuation and grammar is a major red flag for me. If a guy in his thirties can't even be bothered to type out a proper sentence, I'm not going to believe he's actually interested in getting to know me. I'd rather wait longer for fewer, better-quality messages than be spammed with a load of "Hey hows u?" or "What u up 2?" questions.”

"I do think you can tell when a guy is chatting to loads of girls at the same time because the chat just feels less personal and more rushed. One time I even had a guy call me the wrong name – I was like, 'Dude, it's on my profile.' I didn't even bother to respond to that message because it was so clear he was being lazy."

Ella, 29:

"I like it when a guy is quite direct. If he's just looking for something casual, I'd rather he was upfront about it so we both know where we stand. Cheesy chat-up lines give me the ick but I don't mind if a guy pays me a compliment based on one of my photos. That kind of thing doesn't have to be creepy if the guy says it in a respectful way.

"I travel a lot for work and explain this on my profile, so it's always a good sign if a guy asks, 'Where are you flying to next?'. It shows that he's actually read and engaged with my profile. That said, one guy asked my advice on air miles, which killed any kind of romantic vibe before we'd even started chatting properly."

Dani, 24:

"I feel like I'm stating the obvious–but the best chats just feel natural. Even slightly boring questions like 'What did you get up to on the weekend?' or 'What is your favourite first date?' are OK because if you have something in common, the chat can develop from there. If a guy has a good personality, that's going to come through even if you're chatting about something quite standard like the irritations of your work day.

"I really don't like it when a guy tries too hard – forced banter about being 'boyfriend material' is a real turn-off. I also have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to unsolicited d**k pics – for me, that's an instant block. If he gets too pushy about asking for more pics of me, I'm probably going to block him, too. Guys who just want pictures are never going to meet you IRL anyway."

Shona, 37:

"I've just come out of a three-year relationship so I don't mind a bit of flirting. I try not to take dating app chats too seriously until it seems like the conversation might actually be going somewhere.”

“I'm a PT and it says so on my profile, so some guys can't help making jokes about 'working up a sweat' or having a 'long hard session'. The biggest red flag for me is when a guy starts negging me by trying to imply he knows more about my job than I do. I've trained professional athletes in the past so it's not going to impress me that you can bench press 90kg or whatever – that's just fragile masculinity talking, isn't it?"

The main takeaways:

When it comes to dating app chats, a personalised approach will nearly always pay off. Thoroughly read someone's profile before thinking about sending that first message! Sending unsolicited intimate pictures is also a big no-no – as is pushing someone to share their contact details before they're fully ready.

Don't try too hard and have faith in your own charm and personality. Chats flow way better when you’re being yourself! If you and the person you're chatting with have a genuine connection, you're bound to find it sooner rather than later. And above all, keep things fun and flirty. Relax into the chat naturally and you'll have the best chance of making a great connection.