Everyone has their own approach to dating - and that’s completely normal - but sometimes, our differences in communication styles can get in the way of us making meaningful connections.
A common difference that can come to light in the early stages of dating is our messaging approach, and how much (and how quickly) we want others to message us - our ‘textpectations’.
Are you glued to your phone and always up for a texting sesh? Or do you prefer to reply at the end of your shift each day? There's no right or wrong way to communicate via text with someone you're dating, but identifying your texting style and letting your match know might improve understanding and expectations.
“It’s important to get to know someone’s messaging style before interpreting a delayed reply, lack of response or excited reply as a sign that they’re either not interested in you, or a bit ‘too much’. I know it’s easier said than done, so I'd always recommend discussing your ‘textpectations’ with a new connection, and to understand theirs, as you could miss out on forming a relationship with a fantastic person due to a simple misunderstanding. And no one wants that!" says dating expert Charlene Douglas.
We've created a quiz so you can identify your texting love language and Charlene explains the characteristics for each below. Try it for yourself!
Below, Charlene explains what the different types of texters are like.
Texts of affirmation: Text me all day
This is the person that likes to text all day every day, and could expect the same back from you - which means, if they don’t hear back for 24 hours, they might get a bit offended. In the absence of not being with you, the ‘texts of affirmation’ person needs you to know that you are on their mind, and will make it clear that they want to connect with you.
Quality texter: I need all the detail
The quality texter is all about detail. They may not need to text all day everyday - they’re about quality over quantity. Think perfect spelling and grammar, and carefully written messages. They’re keen to know everything about you, and enjoy meaningful conversations.
Receiving GIFs: Emojis over essays
Communicating via text isn’t as important to this person, and they are more likely to send a text saying ‘OK’ or an emoji or reaction to confirm receipt of the message, or show their agreement or disagreement to something you might have said. The ‘receiving gifs’ texter still wants you to know they are available to you, even if they have a busy schedule, but it might not be in a way that allows you to really connect with them over message.
Texts of Service: Let’s make plans
This person uses messages for practical reasons only, such as to arrange a date, which may be difficult for you if you are someone who prefers longer dialogue via text. For some singles that may have spent so much time without a partner, they may not be accustomed to using text messaging to convey feelings or emotions - making them a ‘texts of service’ message-er instead of someone who opens up extensively via text.
Light-touch: I’d rather chat IRL
Taking over 24 hours to respond is the sign of a ‘light-touch’ texter. For singles only hearing every few days from this type of person may see it as a sign they’re not interested, but it could just be that they have a busy lifestyle. Or, instead of messaging constantly, this person may instead prefer speaking on the phone. It is very likely they prefer face-to-face communication and are a better communicator IRL.
