First dates are exciting: brushing knees under the table with a perfect stranger, bonding over shared Netflix obsessions, staring into each other's eyes...
However, they can also be anxiety-inducing. Almost all of us will have experienced the familiar, nervous fluttering in our stomachs on the day of a date. It’s totally normal to feel a little worried: ‘What if we run out of conversation?’, ‘What if I spill my drink?’, ‘What if it’s painfully awkward and I don’t know how to leave?’. While butterflies are usually a sign that we’re excited, a full-on swarm of them can really take the fun out of the experience. So, what can be done to ease first date nerves?
1. Tell your date that you’re nervous (yes, really!)
A radical notion, we know. While TV shows and Hollywood films might have us believe a first date requires a killer outfit, perfectly coiffed hair, and a backlog of hilarious anecdotes, that’s simply not realistic. We’re complex, busy human beings who feel emotions, so it’s perfectly fine to let your date know that you’re a bit on the nervous side. Opening up about your nerves sets the tone for honest conversation and can also help you to connect with your date (who, spoiler alert, is probably feeling the same way).
2. Remember: it takes two to tango
It’s easy to become so worried about whether your date is going to like you that you channel all your energy into presenting the best version of yourself. But remember, your date will want to impress you, too! Who wouldn’t? Perhaps one of the most important things to remember when you’re dating is that it’s a two-way street. You’re both putting yourself out there, and you’re both hoping to find a connection. It takes practice, but try to approach each date with the mindset that they are going to like you – it’ll give you a confidence boost. Then, focus on how you feel about your date, and whether you’d like to see them again.
3. Not a love match? Don't sweat it
The best way to ease first-date nerves is to frame it like you’re meeting a potential new friend. It'll alleviate the pressure to act a certain way, and help you feel more comfortable – plus, you might genuinely meet a new mate! Approaching the date with a curious mindset and viewing it as an opportunity to learn new things shifts your attention away from yourself and towards the experience. Even if it all goes terribly wrong (though we hope that it won’t), you’ll have come away with new knowledge, more experience, and - of course - a story to tell your friends.
4. Plan ahead
Though spontaneous, surprise dates can be really fun, there’s nothing wrong with weighing in on the planning process if you're prone to dating anxiety. Do you have a great local bar that’s like your second home? A go-to coffee spot you know like the back of your hand? Choosing a destination you’re familiar with can really help calm the butterflies and put your mind at ease. If staying in your local area doesn’t work for your date, then plan your meeting together: making sure to land on an activity or venue you’re both comfortable with. Prioritising your safety and enjoyment is the baseline for a great dating experience.
5. Remember that you’ve got nothing to lose
It may sound harsh, but remember that you’re walking into the first date experience with nothing – and it’s cool if you leave with nothing too. You’re meeting this new person to get to know them better and see if there could be potential for the two of you, but if there isn’t, that’s perfectly OK. You can have fun on the date, and if they don’t tick your boxes, you don’t have to see them again if you don’t want to. Freeing yourself of expectations and the pressure to find someone is difficult, but when you do, you’ll find first dates are way more fun.
Good luck, you've got this!
