Chances are, you know someone who takes medication to treat conditions like depression or anxiety: in 2018, 70.9 million prescriptions for anti-depressants were dispensed in England alone. Though the figure for this year hasn’t been released yet, the fact that almost 1 in 5 adults experienced some form of depression during the Covid-19 pandemic suggests that it’s only going to increase. The rhetoric around mental illness and taking medication as part of treatment is becoming more casual and accepting, which is fantastic news considering how taboo the subject has traditionally been viewed in the past. What’s less talked about is the effect of the medication on the person taking it; and in the case of anti-depressants, this can include a not-so-sexy hit to libido.

The most common anti-depressants prescribed to first time-users are SSRI’s (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), and they often come with some VERY annoying sexual side effects. While anti-depressants can be a godsend to those suffering from depression, they can also have an impact on things like sex drive, achieving orgasm, vaginal lubrication, and maintaining an erection. Not what you want when you’re already feeling low, to be honest.

Badoo spoke to Lauren*, 26, who told us that her long-term relationship suffered when she experienced a loss of sex drive after being prescribed anti-depressants last year. “I became totally disinterested in sex, which was weird because I had a very healthy sex life before. My boyfriend took it quite personally when I told him I wasn’t in the mood, and it caused a lot of tension in our relationship.” Many people taking anti-depressants report experiencing problems similar to Lauren and her partner. A sudden drop in libido can be a shock to the system, and often people don’t realise it could be their anti-depressants causing the issue.

Emma*, 27, who is single, told us that the side-effects of her medication seriously affected her solo-sex life. “I started taking sertraline a couple of months ago and have noticed it now takes so much longer for me to have an orgasm when I’m masturbating. For the first time in my life, I gave up on a few occasions because it just wasn’t happening.” Emma’s experience is common for those on anti-depressants, and it’s one of the most frustrating sexual side effects. She continued: “The orgasm itself is quite different, too. I was alarmed to find out that a small percentage of people on [anti-depressants] will still suffer from sexual dysfunction even after coming off their medication, so send thoughts and prayers please.”

So what can be done about it? Usually, you discontinue taking the medication that was causing the problem, but with the nature of anti-depressants, this isn’t a good idea. Coming off anti-depressants suddenly and without a doctor’s guidance can be seriously damaging to your health. But how can we be expected to choose between feeling happier and more ourselves, and having a fulfilling sex life?

There’s no quick fix, but thankfully, there are some things we can do to counteract the sexual side effects and lessen the impact on our romantic lives.

Have an honest conversation with your partner

First and foremost, if you’re used to having regular sex with someone, it’s really important to communicate what’s going on with them. Yes, it feels a bit uncomfortable telling them that you no longer want to jump their bones, but explaining why and ensuring they know it’s nothing to do with them will help alleviate tension. Leaving things unsaid will only further exacerbate problems, not least because stress is an orgasm’s biggest enemy.

Ask your doc about a lower dose

It’s really important to get your doctor’s guidance on this one, so call them up and have an honest chat. They might well be able to lower the dose of your anti-depressants, which can be effective in minimising the sexual side effects at the same time as managing depression and anxiety.

Have sex before you take your meds

The length of time it takes for anti-depressants to get to work in your body varies from drug to drug, and it’s not proven that timing makes a difference to sexual side-effects, though some people anecdotally suggest it does. (Side note: you should always speak to your doctor before altering anything to do with your medication). If you’ve got the go-ahead, you could try taking your medication after you’ve had sex, when the levels in your body are at their lowest. Or, if you’re most likely to have sex in the evening, consider taking your anti-depressant in the morning for the same reason. While scheduling sex might feel a bit like homework, it’s a simple way to give yourself the best chance of feeling it – and you deserve to get your rocks off.

Focus on other forms of intimacy

Often, we confuse sex and intimacy as the same thing, but when you’re stuck in a sexual rut, there are still ways to feel close to the person you’re dating. Try focusing more on non-goal-oriented touch, without any expectations of sex, or instigate deeper conversation that’ll make you feel closer to each other. It’s not a replacement for sex, but it’ll help you weather the storm without feeling too disconnected from your partner. If you’re still feeling interested in the idea of sex while you’re taking your anti-depressants, but don’t want to do the deed, you could consider sending a sexy picture or message to spark sexual tension and excitement.

The sexual side effects of anti-depressants aren’t fun, but they’re making you feel better during a difficult time and that’s the most important thing. Sex is just one part of a relationship or connection, and there are lots of other ways to build intimacy. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, and remember that your happiness is the top priority – you’re doing amazingly well.