Written by Charlotte Moore

Valentine’s Day can be a minefield, whether your first or your fifteenth. Should you buy a gift? Go all out on dinner plans? Pen a handwritten sonnet that will leave them in tears? Or, should you just ignore it altogether? It’s really tempting to overthink your first Valentine’s Day, but being honest about what you both want and expect from the day can help you get on the same page when it comes to romance.

Have the conversation

“If the last thing you’d want is a high-value gift on Valentine’s Day then it’s worth having the conversation early on,” explains Psychologist, Wendy Dignan. “Valentine’s day is a chance to really set the ground rules - the foundations for your relationship and what you’d expect.” When we meet someone new, it can be really easy to try and guess what they want from occasions like this.

While you might dream of being serenaded in a moonlit park, your partner might want something very low-key. Wendy explains that your first Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to start your relationship on the right footing. “Set out who you are and what you value, over expensive meals and gifts. This sort of communication can really set you up for not just a great Valentine’s Day, but a great relationship.” Approach the conversation a few weeks before so that you’ve both got some time to really think about what you want and create a Valentine’s Day that really works for you.

Celebrate in your own way

“A great idea is to suggest a shared experience – pick something you can do together,” Wendy explains. This takes away the pressure of an expensive meal or a big romantic gesture. It can be something as simple as going for a walk together or heading to the cinema to snuggle up with some popcorn. If you’re feeling a bit more creative then you can try a life-drawing class or set the mood for romance with some live music. Realised that Valentine’s Day isn’t your thing? Pick something fun and romantic to do together at the weekend instead.

Avoid the comparison trap

It can be really easy to compare your Valentine’s Day to someone else’s - especially on social media - and wonder if you're marking the day in the ‘right’ way. But the best thing about Valentine’s Day is that it’s a blank slate. It’s your chance to shape the day in a way that feels right for you and if that doesn’t include a car-boot-load of gifts that’s totally fine. Instead, celebrate in a way that feels right for you and your partner.

Don’t forget about self-love

No matter how you’re spending your first Valentine’s Day, it’s a great time to remember that self-love is really important. If you feel like your relationship might be a bit new for an all-out romance, instead spend the day taking care of yourself - for some people that might look like a face mask and binge-watching your favourite show, for others that might be taking yourself for a walk or spending time with friends. “A lot of people go into new relationships in the belief that the relationship will be responsible for their happiness, but it can cause too much pressure on a relationship. It’ll doom it from the start. Instead, think about increasing your own self-esteem first and take time to prioritise yourself as much as you prioritise your new partner,” Wendy adds.

Looking for romantic date ideas for a rainy Winter weekend? Check out our guide.