Written by Almaz Ohene

As the holiday season approaches, some of us are likely to meet our date’s friends or ‘home’ friends for the first time. It’s not uncommon or unreasonable to be a bit worried about making a good first impression, as it’s probably going to be important to you that you and your date’s friends get along – especially if the relationship is more than just a casual fling.

The first meeting with your date’s friends isn’t just an opportunity for you to make a good impression, but it’s also a chance to make some new friends for yourself.

Try not to worry about how others perceive your relationship, because what’s most important is that you as a couple have a great connection.

If you’re nervous...

You might feel that you don’t want to let it slip that you’re nervous about meeting their friends, but it’s best to be honest and tell your date what’s on your mind before the meet-up. Open up to them about your worries sooner rather than later; an honest comment like, “I’m excited to meet your friends, but also a little nervous!” is a perfectly reasonable thing to say. And the good thing about coming clean to your date is that they’ll be ready to swoop in and help you out with conversation if things get awkward. Remember, your date really wants you to get along with their friends just as much as you do.

And if you’re feeling a large degree of uncertainty, then that might mean that your relationship isn’t yet at the stage where being introduced to your date’s friends is a good idea. If that’s the case, it may be that either you or your date aren’t quite sure what you mean to each other yet.

Dig out the details

Make sure that you ask your date about the settling and location of the meet-up so that you can do a bit of some research about what to expect. If you’re meeting at a venue, it might be a good idea to read through some of the reviews of the bar or restaurant to see the general vibe and/or dress code of the place.

Or if you’re meeting at someone’s house, it’s also work asking your date how they think people will generally dress and the social expectations. It also helps to know a bit about these friends before you meet them. Are they mostly guys or women? Are they really into sports? Are they obsessed with Succession? Ask your date to spill the beans! Obviously don’t force yourself to swot up on things that you don’t know much about, but it can be good to know in advance what to expect.

Convenient as it might be for your date to introduce all their friends to you in one go, this is actually a pretty high stakes option. Ask your date to introduce you to their nicest, most trusted friend first. It helps to see them as an ally who can big you up to the rest of the group. Then you could ask your date to meet the friends who they have the most in common with, and once the circle’s widened, you’ll have a familiar face on hand.

Ask questions

Once you’re in the same room as your date’s friends, to make the situation comfortable, keep your small talk simple at first. Make eye contact, smile, laugh (but only when something is funny) and ask questions.

There are a couple of questions you can ask them, which are sure to break the ice. Here are some ideas:

“How did you and [date’s name] first meet?” You may already know this story, but asking your date’s friends for their version of how the two of them first met is likely to give you even more insight into their friendship.

And, by asking one of your date’s friends “Where did you grow up?” you might find you have something in common yourself and it opens up an opportunity to share stories. Don’t be afraid to ask them a bit more about their background. It might feel awkward to ask them personal questions at first, but you can start with something safe; your date. Think about it! You might not have much in common with these people – except for the fact all of you are big fans of your date.

Share a bit about yourself

At some point, you’re going to be expected to share a story of your own. It’s always better to let them ask you a question rather than volunteer information about yourself out of nowhere (or even worse, in the middle of one of their stories). Wait patiently for one to come up organically, for example, “So that’s how me and [your date’s name] first clicked! What was it that first clicked for the two of you?” Which gives you the perfect opportunity to tell them more about yourself.

One friend will probably take to you from the get-go. By identifying an ally in the group they will let the others know that you’re making an effort. Go along with the banter, in-jokes and shared experience. Show a bit of interest, but don’t try to one-up any of them – when it comes to in-jokes and shared experiences, you can’t, and shouldn’t, compete.

Don’t open the ex-files

Ignore chat about exes. No real friends of your date will drag up drama about exes in front of you – in fact, this is a very good way of identifying any weird agendas and red flags. Accept you cannot like everyone. Some of them might not be your cup of tea – that’s life. Be civil and move on.

After meeting their friends, your date will likely ask you what you think of them. Try to be positive when feeding back, but make sure you don’t fake it. 

Ultimately, the most important thing to remember situation is that your date’s friends just want to make sure that you genuinely care about their friend as much as they do.