Written by Scotty Unfamous

In 2019, data published by the British Medical Journal found that despite wanting to have more sex, nearly a third of Brits were having less sex than in recent years, due to ‘the internet and the stress of modern life’. Fast forward to a pandemic-filled 2020 and 2021, people were unable to be around their baes (or were constantly around their partners and were growing real sick of them, real fast) and the chance of meeting new potential lovers was stunted. Relationships were reduced to strictly online, long distance ones that couldn’t be consummated; ones that, for most, ended up fizzling out.

Now, with the ever-elusive ‘Freedom Day’ on the horizon, experts predict that our touch-starved society will enter a Summer of Sex. Being pro-live-your-best-heaux-life, this optimistically hedonistic prediction is something that I am all the way here for (I love this for you), because you all deserve to have exciting sex lives. However, it would be irresponsible for any of us to think that we don’t have to take a bit of extra precaution when it comes to getting our itches scratched. This panini ain’t over yet. So, with sex back on the Green List, here are the steps we should all be taking to ensure that we can make the most of it with minimal risk.

Discover what you like, first

Being out of practice may lessen your confidence in your skills, so before you explore new lands, try exploring your own first. One of the best ways to have a better sex life is to know your body and what exactly it is YOU like, because once you know what you like and how your body responds to certain stimuli, it’s easier to direct your lovers on how to please you (and bestie, your pleasure matters). If like many of us, you found yourself solo sexing it up during lockdown, then congratulations, you have already completed the first step.

Take it at your own pace

After a dry spell, it might be a little nerve-racking to hook up with the same gusto you had before. I know that many of you are almost out of talking stages, but don’t feel like you have to rush to jump in the sack just because meeting up is easier now. Wasn’t it nice to get to know someone when you couldn’t go out and meet them, during lockdown? Like a modern-day digital courting practice that was forced upon us, taking things at a slower pace helped make the dating experience a little less disposable. I think we should keep it up to some degree, even if it is a casual hook-up. Sex is generally a better experience the more comfortable you are with someone, especially if you are a vulva owner, as it may make it a little easier to reach orgasm.

From social bubble to sex bubble

Be conscious of the number of partners you take on during this time. If you’re not looking for anything serious, rather than having a string of one-night stands, a friend with benefits is a healthier option, assuming that setup is something you both want. As fun as sex is, it’s messy and dripping with bodily fluids…does that sound gross? Yeah, it does, but stay with me. The virus can be transmitted through our mouths and noses, and it’s also present in semen. The concept of a ‘lockdown bubble’ is helpful here. Form a sex bubble to reduce the risk of contracting the virus.

Good sex is respectful and communicative

Communication is going to be one of the greatest tools in your sexual arsenal when it comes to partnered sex. Some people may find it awkward and even impolite to talk about sex, but talking about sex with your partner is actually the easiest and most necessary part. Having disappointing experiences because you were too afraid to have a conversation is definitely worse. Ask your partner what they like, tell them what you like, discuss boundaries, things you are open to trying, and if you’re comfortable enough, delve into fantasies that you would like to make a reality. It’s a conversation that will serve you both in the long run. You won’t die. It’s also a ‘kill 2 birds with one stone’ kind of vibe, where you both discuss what you will potentially consent to while making sure your pleasure is a priority. These conversations are ones that you should have constantly as moods and feelings change. You can even have them during sex, with simple questions such as, “Do you like that?” It’s important to note that if you do not like something, it’s not required for you to pretend that you do to make someone else happy. You are having sex with each other, and it should be an enjoyable experience. If you say you dislike something and they don’t take your pleasure into consideration, that is a red flag, and you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with that person anyway. Good sex is considerate and respectful of each other.

Have the sexual health chat

Another topic to bring up in these conversations (and one which should not be treated as a ‘maybe I’ll say something’), is sexual health. Get tested, and ask your partner when they were last tested. People tend to take offense to these conversations, as if they are being called dirty, but STIs and STDs are common, and we need to normalise having conversations about them. If you are sexually active, even if you are in a relationship, you should be getting tested every 3-6 months. If you find it awkward going to the clinic, there are loads of at-home testing kits available that you can order online, send back discreetly through the post, and get your results back via a letter or text message.

Test, test, test

Speaking of tests, it’s cute that we’re getting vaccinated and all, but covid is still spreadable regardless, so before meeting your new bedmate, take a covid test just to be sure. You can get these FREE from some pharmacists in the UK, and they give you results in under 30 minutes – so why not? It would be a bit crap to go on a date/hook up with someone and realise afterwards that one of you contracted covid from the other. Prevention is better than cure, bestie.

Safe sex is always a vibe

Now that you’ve done the necessary research and covid tests, the safety doesn’t end there. Safe sex is always and forever a mood. Whether you have a vulva or a penis, bring condoms or even dental dams if you want to be extra safe with your oral action.

When it comes to sexy time, medical experts recommend having sex with masks on. From conversations with my audience, I know that a lot of people aren’t in love with the idea of being masked up whilst getting hot and sweaty, but you could make it into a cute lil roleplay moment to make it seem more exciting and less ‘covid restriction.’ If masked sex is a no go for you, have an Ariana Grande moment and switch up your positions to ones that aren’t face to face. There are so many possibilities that a quick google of sex positions can help you explore.

A note on aftercare

Lastly, remember to have an aftercare moment, even if it’s casual sex. Aftercare doesn’t have to be cuddling up to each other if that’s not your thing – it can be a conversation or fetching them a glass of water. It’s a way to check in with your partner as you come down from the thrill of sex, to make sure they had fun, to discuss your likes and dislikes from your session, and to talk about what you’d like to try in the future.

What I’m trying to say in a nutshell is: look after yourselves (and each other) so that you can explore your sexuality in a fun, safe way.

Scotty Unfamous is an erotic romance author and sexfluencer. She also runs a blog to help women of colour explore and remove the stigma around their sexuality, educate them in the art of sensuality, and promote and inspire self-love. You can find her on Instagram and Twitter.