Whenever we start seeing someone we like, whether we’ve asked for it or not, someone will give us the advice to ‘play it cool’.
Once upon a time it was a golden rule of dating that you had to wait three days before calling after a date, otherwise you’d come across as needy. Flashforward to now, if someone didn’t text you for three days, you’d assume you were just never going to hear from them again, that you’d been ghosted.
Playing it cool generally means pretending like you’re not that interested or excited about someone who you definitely find interesting and exciting. So why do it?
It’s general wisdom that we should play it cool to avoid scaring the other person by coming on too strong.
Often this means fighting your own impulses to text them back, to see them twice in one week, or to let them know you’re thinking about them.
Ultimately all this does is waste time by sending the message that you don’t care. This could end up with both people getting hurt if things don’t work out.
If you really like someone, you absolutely shouldn’t play it cool. And here’s why.
Why You Shouldn’t Play It Cool When Dating:
You Should Always Be Honest When It Comes To Your Feelings
If you really like someone, you owe it to yourself to let them know that you’re invested.
We spend so much of our time policing our feelings, especially when it comes to new crushes.
We all want to protect ourselves, so often we try to downplay how much we like someone, even to ourselves.
But this isn’t helpful, and in some cases may even be unhealthy.
Denying or repressing how we really feel never leads to anything positive - you should accept that you’re excited by someone, and understand that will bring a level of vulnerability with it.
Being Vulnerable Is The Only Way To Form A Genuine Connection
If you choose to be honest about how much you like them, this naturally leaves you in a vulnerable position.
When it comes to dating, we’ve often been told that we need to protect ourselves, and that opening ourselves up to others will lead us to a state of vulnerability.
But being vulnerable isn’t a bad thing, it allows us to truly connect with others, and is a vital step towards starting a relationship. It fosters intimacy, inviting them to get closer to you.
It Might Make Them Think You’re Not Interested
Sometimes playing it cool can make your crush assume you actually aren’t interested after all.
Nowadays people are too busy to play games, if you take too long replying, or don’t reply at all, they might start to look for someone else.
There’s nothing worse than missing out on a great experience or fulfilling relationship because you wanted to play it cool.
Playing it cool means you don’t get to fully experience the joy of a new crush or relationship.
If you manage to find someone you really like, don’t hide it. Let them know you’re excited, let them know you’re happy, let them know they’re special.
Knowing you’re invested will reassure them, and will likely increase their level of investment in the relationship as well.
Read more about why you should send the first message on dating apps.
Find out what dating really means in 2020.