Technology has made it easier than ever for us to meet people. It’s also made it easier than ever to cut them out of our lives.
All it takes is the touch of a button, and they’re gone.
Ghosting is a relatively new term, used when someone you’ve been speaking to online or through an app suddenly and inexplicably ceases all communication.
Lots of people who use dating apps have been ghosted at some point, and it is never fun.
There seems to be no time limit on what constitutes ghosting, with some people having ghosted even after speaking for months.
This phenomenon has become so common there has been a detailed study into the psychology of ghosting, which you can read, if you really want to depress yourself.
Why Do People Ghost?
Being Honest Is Scary
Ghosting is easy. Actually talking to someone about why things aren’t working out is hard.
Ghosting allows someone to avoid actually ending a relationship, making things easier for them by letting them off the hook and just fading away, out of the other person's life.
But it’s not fair to the person getting ghosted, and is a behaviour that needs to be challenged.
Read more about why we need to be honest on dating apps.
People Think There Might Be Someone Better Out There
Through dating apps, we can meet an almost endless amount of people. When things aren’t working, there is always someone else to start talking to, or the idea that someone better is out there if you can find them.
This can prompt someone to just drop communication when they’ve moved on, rather than actually taking the time to do the right thing and communicate why things have changed.
We All Have Too Many People To Talk To
We’re also overloaded with people to talk to. In the age of constant communication, we’re expected to be ‘on’ all the time.
This is exhausting.
Whether it’s friends, family, or potential dates, we have more people to stay in touch with than we possibly maintain.
This is also across more platforms than we can keep track of, so it’s not surprising that some conversations fall through the cracks, especially if it’s someone we’ve barely spoken to on a dating app.
However, if you’re looking to date seriously, you need to have made time and space in your life for a romantic partner.
If you can’t do that, you’re not being fair to whoever you’re seeing.
If you have been on a date with someone and you realise you can’t make time for them anymore, you owe them at least a brief explanation as to why.
Sometimes, People Just Lose Interest
People can lose interest in someone for almost any reason, often something completely beyond their control.
Communication with someone you’re not interested in anymore can feel like a chore, leading to the temptation to just sort of... let things end.
This kind of passive withdrawal isn’t necessarily the malicious or callous act that ghosting is sometimes depicted as, but the effects are still felt on the person who has been left without any warning.
Why Is Ghosting So Bad?
Ghosting can happen whether you’ve met the person or not.
If you have met, or started getting attached, getting ghosted can really hurt.
Over time, the more someone gets ghosted, they become desensitised to it, and in turn will be more likely to actually ghost someone else.
This cycle just perpetuates more misery and uncertainty, and needs to be stopped.
It’s easy to dismiss ghosting as a fad, but the emotional impact suffered by people who have been dropped without explanation is real.
The emotional pain we feel after rejection activates the same pathways in the brain as physical pain.
It’s important to understand that emotional distress is something that can have a real impact on your overall wellbeing.
Ghosting means we never get closure, something we all deserve whether we’ve been speaking for a weekend, or a month.
It leaves us uncertain of why things ended, and can cause us to question our worth or our attractiveness.
This is where ghosting does the most damage: it impacts our confidence, making us doubt ourselves because of something we probably had no control over.
This emotional uncertainty is all the more difficult because we have to navigate it alone.
Because we don’t know what happened, we don’t know how to react, which most likely just translates into anger or sadness.
This could very easily be avoided through simple communication.
If we date someone, in any capacity, we owe them an explanation as to why things are ending.
Dating is a form of emotional labour that two people have gone through, both of those people deserve proper closure about why that relationship is over.
How To Deal With Getting Ghosted
There are a few ways you can protect yourself from the emotional turbulence of getting ghosted without closing yourself off from new people and experiences.
The most important thing to do if you’ve been ghosted is to not let it impact your sense of self-worth.
Doubt and insecurity are common after you’ve been let down, but you shouldn’t allow a bad experience to throw you off your game.
If someone has stopped talking to you, it’s their problem, and their loss.
The most positive way to handle being ghosted is to accept that the person you were talking to just can’t provide what you need right now.
Don’t hold onto grudges or resentment, and don’t internalise negative reactions you have when someone stops talking to you.
Just move on.
Learn how to go from a match to a date.
Learn how to get more matches on dating apps.