Written by Nick Levine
Some first dates fall flat because you're not just attracted to each other. Often this is no one's fault – sexual chemistry is fickle and fleeting and honestly, that's part of the fun. I would humbly suggest, however, that sometimes it kind of is the other person's fault. If he's going to spend two hours moaning about how much he hates going on family holidays, he can't really expect your heart to skip a beat. This happened to me a few months ago and it took all my self-control not to say: "Look, you're 27, just tell your mum you don't want to spend three days in Dorset with her!" By the end of the date, I'd rather have been in Dorset with his mum than sat opposite him in a south London bar. Oh, the irony.
Anyway, other first dates are disappointing because you're just not on the same page. If you're looking for a no-strings winter fling and they're Googling "runaway wedding" after the second drink, let's face it: it's already over. With this in mind, here are five ways to make sure mismatched intentions don't lead to dating disasters. After all, you wouldn't want to be struck down with RDD (Repeated Dating Disconnection), a new affliction that seems to be affecting people who've had one too many experiences of mismatched intentions.
1. Communicate
I know, I know. "What brings you on here?" is one of the most cringe questions to ask on a dating app. It's so leading and lacking in subtlety – any illusion that you're just here for a nice chat is immediately obliterated. But...you have to ask it. If he’s only looking for someone to go mudlarking with – yes, this guy does exist; I know because I have matched with him – it's better to find out sooner rather than later. That way no one ends up wasting their precious time.
Oh, and if you're also looking for someone to go mudlarking with, you'll find him in east London. He has a '70-style tache and a nice vintage jacket in his profile pic.
2. Be flexible
This doesn't mean trying to fool yourself, but it does mean asking yourself if you're willing to compromise. If you're looking for marriage, kids and a house with a separate laundry room – in fairness, who doesn't want to hide their tumble dryer out of earshot? – there's no point pretending you're here for a hook-up. But if you matched with someone fantastic who wanted to take it slow, could you give something more casual a try? There's really no harm in at least contemplating a slight change of plan for the right person.
3. Give it time
Sometimes people’s intentions evolve over time. You might think you’re dead set against an open relationship, but warm to the suggestion after hearing how much a friend is enjoying theirs. Of course, sometimes people's intentions don't evolve at all and if anything, they become even more certain about what they want. To be honest, as I write this article, I'm becoming increasingly keen on the idea of a separate laundry room. Don't judge: my tumble dryer is old and sounds like a helicopter taking off... Anyway, the key here is to keep an open mind. If you think there's a chance that your intentions could align in time, don't write that person off straight away. Keep messaging them and see what happens.
4. Be tactical
This is a tough one because when it comes to dating, most of us follow our hearts rather than our heads. And rightly so: Adele never wrote a song about having a broken head, did she? But sometimes, it can pay to take a step back and see if you can make the best of things. If you've just matched with someone you really fancy, but find you have completely different intentions, it could be fun to think "sod it!" and have a little fling anyway. There are two basic rules in this situation. One, make sure you're completely honest about what you're doing so you don't lead anyone on. And two, set some kind of cut-off point so you don't end up getting too attached.
5. Tell people what you’re looking for on Badoo
This one is so easy! All Badoo members will now be asked to choose one of three options: "here to date", "ready for a relationship", or "open to chat". Only after confirming what their intentions are can they get on with the serious business of securing some matches. It's a simple feature that should help weed out some of the most glaring mismatched intentions – an "open to chat" person, for example, probably won't want to meet your parents between now and Christmas. And because you can change your answer at any point, it's also super-flexible.
Watch Badoo's video about Repeated Dating Disconnection below: