It’s that time of year again – when the air turns crisper, the nights get darker, and we begin to wind down from work for the festive season. There’s excitement at the prospect of scribbling brand new adventures into our 2021 diary and hope for the new year and what’s to come. That being said, this year’s festivities are going to feel a little different. 2020 has been, quite frankly, a shocker of a year. We’ve had to adapt to a completely new way of life, which involved not seeing our friends and family in person to keep each other safe. Dating has been more challenging than ever before: fancy dinners were out swapped for take-aways and video calls, and steamy sleepovers replaced by sexting.
It’s likely that the party season is going to feel different for us all, too. We probably won’t be spending it with loved ones under twinkling lights, with copious amounts of food and drinks. One thing that’s certain, though, is that the festive season is a time for love.
For those of us who are single, this can be a bit depressing. Hallmark films have sold us the idea that now’s the time to be coupled-up, and the holidays are often spent being interrogated about our love lives by well-meaning family members. But now’s not the time to berate ourselves for not being in a relationship: actually, if we exit this year with any semblance of sanity, we’re already doing pretty well. That being said, if you‘re struggling to remember why not being in a relationship right now isn’t the end of the world, read on for a friendly pep-talk and some helpful tips.
Alone time is healthy
Even though we’ve been feeling isolated this year, we’ve also been super busy. Lots of us are working from home and taking part in endless video meetings, and when those are over, we’re straight on the phone to our mates for a catch-up. Spending time alone gives us some much-needed headspace and time to recuperate so we’re ready to tackle the challenges in our lives. Being single is the best time to prioritise our own needs and mental well-being, whatever that looks like. It could be booking in regular therapy sessions, spending time each day on meditation, or learning how to have fun cooking delicious meals. Your single life is the perfect time to be self-involved, in a healthy way.
Being single helps us work out what we want
While the old-fashioned view that being single is something to be pitied is still kicking around, (it’s not the 1920’s anymore, Grandma), it can actually be a great thing. Time without a partner offers us the opportunity to truly think about what we want: from fun short-term goals, like learning how to code, to more serious, long-term ones, like the career move we want to make or the type of person we want to be in a relationship with. This means that when we decide to start dating, we’ll have clearly defined boundaries in place to ensure we don’t waste our time on situations (or people) that aren’t good for us.
It’s ok to take a break from social media
Social media is a precarious place to be at the best of times: it’s an amazing way to connect with others, find inspiration, and have a laugh at the latest memes. But it can also be draining if we use it obsessively or curate our feeds in an unhealthy way. Following accounts that inspire and uplift us is a great starting point, but it’s also cool to take a time-out. Apps like Instagram are often awash with cute couple pics over the festive season, and though that’s lovely, it can leave single people feeling similar emotions to that time we didn’t have anyone to partner with during P.E. If you don’t want to delete your apps for a bit, get well-acquainted with the mute button – it’s your new best friend.
Remember, people on dating apps get it
Chatting on dating apps is also a great way to practice flirting and initiating conversations if you’ve been single for a long time. If you do fancy using a dating app during the festive season, don’t let societal stigma fool you into thinking you’re desperate. It’s completely natural and inherently human to want to feel connection and affection, and the other people on the app will understand this. Just be honest about why you’re there – is it to pass the time while your family’s squabbling over what to watch on TV? That’s cool, just tell your match you’re looking for conversation. If it’s something more serious you want, be brave and tell them that too. Dating honestly is a time-saver and ultimately protects all parties from miscommunication and hurt, so give yourself permission to be your authentic self.
Using your time when you’re single to work on yourself sets you up for stronger self-worth, healthier boundaries, and ultimately, better relationships. It’s cool to know what you want, and as our Lord and Saviour RuPaul says: “If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” Amen to that.