Talking to a sexual partner about using protection can feel awkward, but safe sex is the best kind, and all good sex starts with killer communication. If you’re having sex, it’s important to make sure that you’re protected against STI’s and, if you’re someone who could become pregnant, against unwanted pregnancies. A five-minute chat at the beginning of a sexual encounter may be a bit uncomfortable, but it’ll save you from having an even more difficult conversation later down the line. Read on for our top tips on navigating the sexual protection chat.
Check in with yourself first
Before you get to the good stuff, it’s important to check in with yourself first and make sure you’re totally prepared and comfortable for what’s about to go down. Take a quiet moment to yourself in the bathroom and run through a mental checklist: Do I want to have sex with this human? What are my boundaries and limits, and have I communicated them with this person? When was the last time I had a sexual health check and am I willing to ask them the same question? Does one of us have the protection needed? The foundation of fantastic sex is feeling safe, seen, and heard, so make sure you’ve got these answers ticked off before you get down to business.
So, you’ve got the protection – what now?
It’s so easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment and forget to have the protection chat – especially when the parties involved are naked. Communication is key when it comes to any sexual experience, and it can be hard to concentrate on anything else when someone’s kissing or touching you. The way you speak to your partner about safety and protection is just as important as what you say: so try to bring up the topic in a kind way. If you want to ask your partner about their latest STI check, ensure it’s clear that it’s not personal, and all about safety. If one of you needs to wear a condom, or use a dental dam for oral sex, then you could start by telling them how excited you are to be doing this, and how using protection will make you feel much more comfortable and get you in the headspace to relax.
It won't kill the mood, we promise
Before you go about the business of physically bringing the sexual protection into the mix, you can spend time exploring each others bodies without any body parts coming into contact with genitals. Enjoy the sensation of kissing, hugging, touching your partner through their shirt – the list goes on. Once it comes to using the protection, you’ll be feeling pretty hot already – so you don’t have to worry about it being a ‘mood killer.’ If you’re someone that uses condoms, you could ask your partner to put it on for you. If you’re using lube on yourself, take your time applying it or ask your partner to do it. Protection doesn’t take the heat out of foreplay or having sex, it just makes it safer – and means you can give your full attention to the sensations you’re experiencing or giving to someone else.
If your partner says no to protection
Sometimes, the person you’re about to sleep with might meet the suggestion of using protection with resistance. Comments like “it doesn’t feel as good with a condom”, or “there’s no need, I don’t have anything” are quite common. The thing is, only YOU are in charge of your body, and if having safe sex is a non-negotiable for you, then you have every right to decide not to continue. Plus, if a partner refuses to wear a condom, or answer any of your sexual health queries, it begs the question: how many times have they not used protection in the past? If your partner gets angry at the suggestion of protection, it’s better that you see this red flag before anything has begun. You always, always have the right to change your mind before or during sex, and your partner should absolutely respect that.
Taking responsibility for your own sexual health is so important, and making sure the person you’re sleeping with respects that too is also key. You deserve to have hot, funny, sexy, passionate, loving, fun sex, and for it to be as safe as can be. Have confidence in knowing that your body is worth protecting. Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t deserve to be in your company – or your bed.