What Does It Mean to Be Gender Fluid?

Change is a good thing, right? We do a lot of it throughout our lives. From our partners to our jobs, to our sense of style and haircuts. These things are fluid, they shift and evolve with us as we get older and in many ways, it’s a blessing that we are unrecognizable at 25 years-old from who we were at 15 (even if Y2K fashion is making a comeback!)

Why then is there such a stigma around one’s gender or sexuality changing in the same way? Being gender fluid means accepting that the person we thought ourselves to be at one stage in our life isn’t fixed. In many ways it’s a more evolved way of identifying. It seems so old fashioned to think that we have to make a singular, definitive decision about our sexuality and gender when we’re young, and then etch it in stone so that it never changes.

Being gender fluid is about accepting and embracing change. It’s a term used to describe folk whose gender identity may evolve or fluctuate over time. People who identify as gender fluid may feel that their gender identity is not fixed and may shift or change between different gender identities or expressions.

For example, a gender fluid person may feel more ‘masculine’ one day, more ‘feminine’ the next day, and may identify as neither male nor female on another day. Gender fluidity is a dynamic way of being. Some people may be threatened by it because it challenges the binaries of gender and the idea that you have a singular identity that you have to stick to in life. 

The idea of gender fluidity might feel like a new phenomenon as you are reading more about it and meeting more people who identify this way. But it has been around as long as humans have been. Historically there are other terms to describe gender fluidity. For example, Two-Spirit identity in some Indigenous North American cultures recognizes individuals who embody both masculine and feminine traits and who may have performed a variety of gender roles such as hunting or cooking.*

Meanwhile, the Hijra identity in India refers to individuals who were assigned male at birth but who live as women or a third gender. Hijras are recognized as a distinct gender category in Indian society and have a long history of cultural and religious significance.**

Before we get into gender fluid pronouns, let’s recap what pronouns are at all.

Pronouns are words we use in everyday language to refer to ourselves or others. Everyone uses pronouns that define how they see their gender, even people who are angered by  the growing consciousness of their importance.

Some gender fluid people shift between pronouns as they do their gender presentation and identity. The pronoun ‘they/them’ is known as the most gender neutral in the English language compared to the obviously gendered ‘he/him’ or ‘she/her’. And while some people complain that it’s tricky, grammatically, to deal with someone who goes by they/them—it really isn’t hard. Think about it: We use a singular ‘they’, ‘them’ or ‘their’ often. For example, if you find a coat that was left behind at a party, you may ask: ‘Did someone leave their coat here?’ Easy!

It’s more a matter of getting used to using gender fluid, neutral, or non-binary people’s preferred pronouns in day to day life. Over the next decade it will become much more normalized in the same way we might now refer to our ‘partner’ instead of a ‘girlfriend’ or ‘husband’—this term was seen as very modern and politically correct in the 1990s - using it was a sign that you were probably more open-minded and ‘progressive’. But now everyone uses it. Hopefully the same will happen for gender neutral pronouns.

The gender fluid flag was created by the designer JJ Poole (they/them), an agender, pansexual activist from New York in 2012. The design features five horizontal stripes of different colors: pink, white, purple, black, and blue.

The pink stripe represents femininity, the white stripe represents neutrality, the purple stripe represents a combination of masculinity and femininity, the black stripe represents all genders that are not traditionally recognized or visible, and the blue stripe represents masculinity.

The flag was created as a symbol of gender fluidity and as a way to represent and raise awareness of gender fluid people and their experiences. Since its creation, the gender fluid flag has become a widely recognized symbol of gender diversity and inclusivity. Fly it proudly!

All these terms refer to a gender identity outside of the male/female binary and the traditional expectations attached to each of these genders. Gender fluid is a bit different to gender queer, which is a useful umbrella term, and from non-binary which tends to be a slightly more fixed identity, even if it does defy the binary. An easy way of looking at it is that gender fluid means a gender identity that can’t be pinned down.

Whoever you are and however you identify, there’s a person out there for you! But being any kind of minority can bring with it challenges. Here are some tips for dating as a gender fluid person. But the biggest tip of all is to love yourself and be confident in who you are. Treat yourself with kindness and be proud of being gender fluid.

Gender fluidity can manifest in different ways and can be a deeply personal experience. For some, it may be a constant and ever-changing experience, while for others, it may be a more occasional or situational experience.

It's vital to recognize and respect gender fluid individuals' autonomy and unique experiences. Providing support and understanding can help create a more inclusive and accepting environment for all people, regardless of their gender identity or expression.

*Michelle Filice (2015/2023) The Canadian Encyclopedia. Available at: https://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/two-spirit (Accessed 7 September 2023)

**Gurvinder Kalra (2011) Taylor and Francis Online. Available at: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17542863.2011.570915 (Accessed 7 September 2023)