Written by Nick Levine
Something about summer can make us all feel more romantic (and it's not just the fact that nearly everyone looks cute in a bucket hat). It's a time when staying out late can seem easier and friends saying "cba" to social plans is less commonplace. It's also a time when a casual relationship – or maybe multiple casual relationships – may become even more appealing. So, with this frisky spirit in mind, here are some tips on how to do the fling thing right.
1. Don't procrastinate
If you're going to date casually during these last few weeks of summer, there's no point dragging your heels. It may feel like the UK is basking (OK, baking) in a neverending heatwave, but at some point the weather will turn and the potential for summer flings will ebb away. So, when you match with someone you like the look of, try to be as proactive as possible – less idle chatter, more planning to meet IRL.
Of course, you should keep your personal safety in mind at all times. Never agree to meet someone who gives you the ick for any reason, and always meet somewhere public where you can make a hasty retreat from if you need to. Remember that if you're in a pub and the person you're with is making you uncomfortable, you can "ask for Angela" at the bar and a staff member will help to extricate you from the situation.
2. Think about what you want (what you really, really want)
It might sound a bit counterintuitive when you're trying to keep things loosey-goosey, but it can pay to define your fling goals – yes, I'm trying to make "fling goals" a thing. Essentially, the more you know what you're looking for, the easier it will be to go out and get it. Being honest about the kind of flings you want – and how many of them – also makes you less likely to mess around the people you're matching with.
3. Don't put any pressure on yourself
Let's be real: dating just one person is exhausting! We all have so many demands on our time – work, friends, rewatching Apple TV's series, Ted Lasso, before the new season begins – that adding a romance into the mix can feel like overload. Now, think how tricky it is to juggle multiple flings at once. The key is to plan your time carefully and ruthlessly – a two-hour window with each person is ideal – while listening to your head and heart. If you're feeling burned out from too much socialising, which is very likely to happen at some point, clear your schedule and cosy up with a box set instead. You won't regret the chance to restore your energy levels.
4. Be as open as possible with everyone you're dating
If you're intending to date multiple people at once, it's best not to be cagey about it. This doesn't mean you need to be rude or brutally honest about your polyamory. "Could you hurry up with that drink, I've got another match to meet in half an hour" is something no one should hear on a date ever. Instead, think of ways to drop it into conversation tactfully but unambiguously. "I'm not looking to be tied down to one person right now" is a safe bet. As is "I'm trying to keep my options open before we head into cuffing season".
5. Keep your dates pretty casual too
If you're keeping things bright and breezy, it could be pretty jarring – not to mention potentially confusing for your date – to suggest a formal evening together. Who wants to sit down for a 10-course tasting menu when they're playing the field? Especially if you've got a second dinner to get to by 9.30pm. Instead, you could think of fun and affordable things to do with your dates – maybe a picnic or a drink in the park? Yes, most British parks are so dry and dusty right now that they look as though they've been torched, but you can still find a romantic spot by the pond.
6. Consider a solo trip to a different city
Nearly everyone loosens up a bit when they're on holiday. There's something about being away from your usual haunts (and all those boring household chores) that unlocks a person's inner romantic. There's also something strangely glamorous about catching a train or plane all on your lonesome: you could be absolutely anyone, on your way to your destination for any possible reason.
Frankly, it's just nice knowing you can go for a drink without bumping into some chump you once had a rubbish one-night stand with. And of course, a new city means a new dating pool – you may even want to reset your matches. It also means a renewed sense of urgency. When you only have a few days in a place, you have to act fast or you won't get anywhere.
7. Pay attention to how the situation is developing
Even if you're dead set on living your best polyamorous life, always bear in mind that the heart is unpredictable and wants what it wants. If you do find yourself falling for someone you're dating – or think you might further down the line – it's probably best to talk to them about it. You may not be on the same page, but if you at least know how the other person is feeling, there's less likelihood of anyone getting hurt. And if there's one thing you don't want from a summer of casual dating, it's tears before bedtime.
