Written by Izzie Price

I'm a fervent believer that moving on from your ex is one of life's greatest mental and emotional challenges. The process means extricating your soul from its entanglement with someone else's; it means rolling up the mental ribbon of your life that had unfurled before you. When that ribbon is pulled out abruptly from under your feet, it can feel near-impossible to imagine your feet ever finding solid ground again, or for your soul to fill the jagged, gaping wound that's left behind after it's been wrenched away from your partner's .

"If you cared about the person, and they really mattered to you and there was a level of intimacy in the relationship, then the loss will be even greater because you're also losing everything your life might have been with that person," says Couple Psychotherapist and Clinical Psychologist Dr Sabah Khan . "That can be very hard to accept, because it means saying goodbye to all of those hopes, dreams and desires with that [particular] person."

I've been through break-ups that have seen me charging off on riotous, vodka-soaked nights out, fuelled by a determination that - if I could just get drunk enough - I wouldn't notice that I was going to bed alone. I've sat on coffee dates with perfectly nice people, all the while twirling my spoon through my cappuccino foam as I thought about how nothing and no one could ever come close to the burning, fizzing connection I had with my ex.

But I've also experienced what it feels like to finish an exercise class one day, soaked in sweat and endorphins, and suddenly realise that I'm over my ex. It's a thought that's always come into my head completely unbidden; but, if you're anything like me, it'll take time to get to that point. That's normal - in fact, there's no 'usual amount of time' it takes to move on from your ex - but there are a few things you can do to help the process along. We're all different, so it's important to find a coping strategy that works for you: but there are a few strategies I've personally found immensely helpful, and to whose brilliance I can wholeheartedly attest.

Unfollow your ex on social media

It's hard, and goes against all our gut instincts (the instincts that tell us to keep up with what's happening in the life of a person who once meant the world to us); but when I've been trying to move on, this is one of the best things I've done. Pictures of your ex popping up on your newsfeed will (counterproductively) drip feed memories from your past throughout your day. Keep the memories, by all means; but try not to let them interrupt your new daily life. As much as I've wanted to stay up to date with a life that was once interwoven with my own, it's never helped me move on. Instead, I've been left feeling homesick for a relationship that no longer exists - when I needed to be finding my feet in my new reality.

Make some new connections

When your soul feels like it's covered in blisters, the last thing you probably feel like doing is downloading a dating app. But getting back out there doesn't have to mean a rebound or a brand new relationship that you're not ready for. Instead, rediscovering dating apps - and all their subsequent connections - can be a great way to take your mind off your heartbreak, and to meet some new people who might be able to provide some soothing balm for those soul blisters; whether romantically, platonically or simply by way of one laughter-filled night at the pub.

Badoo encourages daters to set their intentions for using the app right from the outset; so there's every chance you'll meet someone who'll be on your wavelength, and who might provide some welcome relief for your heartbreak. But if you do download the apps, the next tip is of paramount importance…

Try to avoid comparing every date to your ex

A key thing to remember here is that you and your ex ultimately broke up for a reason, no matter whose decision it was. Go on dates, by all means; it's important to remind yourself that there are other people out there who can make you laugh, for example. But whatever you do, don't go on dates with the aim of finding a carbon copy of your ex. Whenever I've done that, it's ended with me sobbing on the phone to my mum, insisting that I'm never going to fall in love again (a theory that turned out to be entirely wrong).

It's also normal to feel as though there's “no one left,” says Khan: “At the time of a break up, [you may be] distraught and bereft, and the very idea of ​​another person is unfathomable to you,” she points out. So if this resonates, don't rush back into dating; but if you want to give dating a go, it's vital to see your dates as who they truly are, rather than as someone who can slot neatly into the unique shape your ex left in your life. That shape will get filled in good time - but not by stretching or compressing another person so that they fit into it.

Treasure your family and friendships

With my break-ups, I've often felt as though no one could ever understand me the way my other half did; but I was wrong. My family and true friends know the very bones of me - I just had to give them a chance to show me that. “If you feel you can't let go of the fantasy of what could have been, and what your life would have looked like, then you're not allowing yourself to accept the depressing side of the loss,” explains Khan. “You want to hold hope. There's nothing wrong in that, [but] you can still hold hope while being balanced and feeling all of your own emotions, including the positive ones, whilst learning more about yourself in the process and how it's changed you. " This is just one example of the sort of break up experience your family and friends can help through: let them help you tip all those complicated feelings out onto the table, and sift through them. Remember: moving on from an ex doesn't have to be a one-person job.

Give yourself time to grieve

It's taken me several years to move on from one particular ex - approximately six times as long as the time we were actually together. It really doesn't matter how long or short the relationship was, or how long it's been since you broke up - if you need to grieve, you need to grieve. “To truly move on from an ex, you have to feel the loss of the break up and what the relationship really meant to you,” says Khan. “Feel the loss, feel the pain and grieve the relationship. Learn from the experience: what can you take from it? "

In my experience: the sooner I've acknowledged (and sat with) my feelings of grief, the sooner I've found the grief gradually slipping away, like soap suds ebbing down the shower drain - allowing me to step out of the (metaphorical ) shower while looking forwards to a bright new future. One without my ex, yes; but one full of possibilities, too.