Written by Olivia Petter

After months of being sequestered away in our homes, with nothing but our screens and our sex toys for company, the dating scene is finally set to reopen. Lockdown restrictions are starting to ease across the UK, and pubs and restaurants are opening their doors for the first time in what feels like a decade, meaning we will soon be able to actually meet up with people in real life again. And, yes, that means we can start going on actual dates again.

This is good news for single people, who have spent the last year avidly scrolling on apps till their thumbs go numb and setting up more virtual cocktail tastings and dinner dates than anyone should have to endure. Now, they will be able to go on dates IRL, meaning they can finally put physical faces (and bodies) to the names of people they’ve been getting to know from the comfort of their own homes.

But this will be a daunting prospect for many, particularly those who have become accustomed to the concept of virtual (aka living room) dating, the perks of which include (but are not limited to): being able to be back in your own bed within 10 seconds of saying goodbye, not having to spend any money on overpriced cocktails that taste like pure sugar, and having the freedom to ditch a date after 10 minutes if you want to without wasting an entire evening travelling to and from your chosen venue.

Then there’s just the general social anxiety side of things. For those people who have found the last few months comforting given the free schedules and lack of back-to-back plans, the idea of having to fill your calendar again with socialising can seem intimidating, particularly when that socialising includes dates, which are already a deeply nerve-wracking experience. The transition will be tough, too. How are you supposed to go from spending hours crafting witty one-liners to send to your latest dating app match to having to flirt with someone in real-time face-to-face again?

So, how to overcome those post-pandemic dating fears? The first thing to do is remember that things won’t simply go back to normal immediately. Social distancing measures are still in place, for example, which means that those first date kisses (and the rest of it) are off the table for the foreseeable future - or at least until 21 June, if Boris Johnson’s lockdown roadmap for England goes according to plan.

This might seem like a downer but trust me, it’s a good thing. After spending so long in lockdown, it would be far too much to simply be able to go on a date and snog someone again. Think about it. We’ve been through a deadly pandemic where the thought of touching another person’s hand was utterly terrifying, let alone sticking your tongue down their throat, or, (ahem) somewhere else.

If anything, the prospect of being able to date again without the added pressure of knowing you can be physically intimate again is the best way to ease yourself back into post-lockdown dating. And at least this time around, you know it’s only for a few months, which gives you the perfect amount of time to get to know someone before deciding whether you want to canoodle with them.

This is one of the reasons why pandemic dating has been compared to courting, an archaic form of dating that was popular in the Regency period. You’ll be familiar with it if you’ve watched Bridgerton (if you haven’t, stop reading this immediately and get on Netflix), the series in which characters “promenade” with one another i.e. they go on walks outside, which, hey, is exactly what social distancing dating looks like.

Another thing that will do wonders to curb your anxieties about returning to real-life dating? The weather. Yes, this does sound terribly British. But as we move towards the summer months, there’s much to look forward to when it comes to dating. For example, you can stretch the date out across a whole day, starting with a picnic in the park and then, say, a bottle of rose in a pub garden, all while the glorious British sunshine beats down on your necks and flushes your cheeks.

There’s also something undeniably calming about being in the sunshine, isn’t there? It certainly helps set the scene for romance much more so than when it’s pissing it down outside and you and your date are both bundled up in your puffer jackets. At least now you can both be in light spring jackets with minimal layers, which somehow makes the whole thing feel way more chilled out.

There are some other things you can do to alleviate your post-lockdown dating fears. For example, if the idea of sitting across from your date at a pub, where there’s nothing to do but talk to one another, feels too nerve-wracking, why not pick an activity date? Outdoor activities (which are all the more enjoyable in the summer months) will have started opening up again, meaning you could go on a range of different types of dates to spice things up again.

You could go and play mini golf, or take a tour around a botanical garden, or, as we move into May, visit an exhibition together. Not only does this take some of the pressure when it comes to thinking of things to say to one another to keep the first date spark alive, but it also gives you instant talking points e.g. “what did you think of that painting?” and “where did you learn to play mini golf like that?”

If an activity date isn’t your style, you can do some pre-date preparations so that you are ready to fill any awkward silences that might fall between the two of you. For example, have a little gander around their social media pages. What kind of things are they interested in? Where do they spend their holidays? What do their friends seem like they’re interested in? All of this intel will help provide you with some good conversation starters that are guaranteed to pique your date’s interests.

Of course, don’t start by telling them you spent the last four hours stalking their Instagram page - this might raise alarm bells. But remember it’s only natural to look at someone’s social media pages before going on a date with them, so when silences fall, you can simply try to ask about the holiday they went on last year to Goa that you saw them post about. They’ll know you found out about that from their Instagram, but that’s okay. They’ve probably found out lots of stuff about you from your Instagram page, too.

Ultimately, though, if your nerves are becoming too much to bear, and you’re feeling too fearful to go through with the date, the best thing you can do is be honest. Tell the person you’re supposed to meet up with that you’re feeling apprehensive, and chances are, they’ll be glad you were the one to say it first because they’re feeling exactly the same way. 

Remember, it’s completely normal to feel anxious about dating again after lockdown. Frankly, it would be strange if you weren’t. Now, go forth, and enjoy your newfound romantic freedom.