In 2020, lots of us have been denied the usual forms of intimacy – kissing, touching, and sex were all off the table unless you live with your significant other. We started out feeling a bit bleak about it all, but eventually, we found ways to create real connections with others despite the state-sanctioned distance. Daters everywhere got creative, and we learned that physical touch isn’t the only way to feel close to someone. The idea of building intimacy without having sex may sound like a bore-fest, but we can assure you it’s anything but.
In a huge global survey, we found that 78% of people agreed that they care more about what’s on the inside than their partner’s appearance. 2020 provided the perfect backdrop for delving deeper into what attracts us to someone, and unlearning what we thought was true about getting intimate. If you’re stuck in a bit of a rut, watch our Intimacy video and read on for our top tips for creating intimacy without having sex.
1. Get creative with video dates
During this strange period in time, lots of us have been turning to video calls to connect with our matches. Sometimes, sitting down and chatting with a complete stranger can feel intimidating, but there are lots of ways to take the pressure off. To break the ice and avoid any awkward lulls in conversation, why not plan an activity to do together during the call? Think along the lines of a virtual art class (or a streamed life drawing session), wine tasting, or trying out a recipe together. Watching each other cry while cutting onions is bound to ease any awkwardness.
2. Take note of the little things
One of the easiest (and most genuine) ways to create intimacy with someone is to listen and take note of the small things they say. Think about how nice it feels when a friend remembers to ask about something you said in passing – it makes you feel seen and understood. It doesn’t have to be something serious, either: if they mentioned they’re a huge Gavin and Stacey fan, why not send them a meme that reminds you of them or a link to a ‘Which Character Are You’ style quiz? (I’m a clear Pam, by the way).
3. Say it out loud
While chatting in-app is the first way to introduce ourselves, it can be hard to get to know our matches through a collection of letters and words on a screen. Sending voice notes to each other is a great way to build intimacy and get to know each other that little bit better. Bonus points if you make a routine of it, sending one each morning or evening to keep each other updated on your day.
4. Dig a little deeper
The best way to truly understand if someone is right for you is to ask the big questions and speak about big topics – the ones that are important to you. If feminism is your thing, tell them about your fave feminist film. If empathy and compassion are on your priority list, talk about an issue close to your heart, and ask how they feel about it. A difference of opinion doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker – chatting about deeper subjects opens the floor to a healthy discussion. If all goes well and you do eventually meet, you’ll know you have a genuine emotional connection.
We know that dating this year has been weird and sometimes difficult, but there are benefits to the situation we find ourselves in. The pandemic has slowed down the physical component of dating, which has encouraged us to build emotional intimacy rather than whipping our clothes off at the drop of a hat. Intimacy means something different to each individual, and it’s a fun challenge to find what works for you. Whether you’re 1, 2, or 1000’s of miles away from your date, 2020 has taught us that you can still feel close.
