Celebrity culture, books, rom-coms, and love songs have always pedalled the idea that there’s one person out there for all of us – we just have to search for them hard enough. Thanks to them, we’ve grown up believing that there’s one perfect person we’re destined to end up with. The concept of a soulmate is featured in almost every romantic film out there. We saw it in Love Actually, when Sam rushed through the airport to catch Joanna before she boarded her plane. We saw it in You’ve Got Mail – when Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks characters met serendipitously after exchanging letters from afar. It makes sense for films to be this dramatic and fast-paced – they would be pretty boring otherwise. But in real life, believing in ‘the one’ can actually do more harm than good, and stop us from enjoying dating in all its forms.
Below, we call bullshit on some of the most clichéd terms about love and romance.
Soulmate
So, it turns out that the idea of soulmates actually dates back to Greek mythology. In Plato’s ‘The Symposium,’ we’re told that humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. It explains: “Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.” In real life, with over 7 billion people in the world, finding our soulmate seems like a very unlikely possibility. The word ‘soulmate’ hints that when we do eventually meet that person, everything will fall into place, and that’s just not true. Believing in a soulmate might be fun to imagine, but it doesn’t leave room for conflict, which is a natural part of any relationship. Relationships are messy; they take work, ongoing communication and often involve arguments about who’s turn it is to wash the dishes.
Other half
The phrase ‘other half’ suggests that we aren’t whole until we meet someone else, which we all know isn’t true. We’re all unique, flawed, fabulous, and complete humans, whether we’re in a relationship or not. ‘Other half’ suggests that those of us who are single are waiting for someone to take us off the shelf, and what about when we go through a break-up? Does half of us just melt away like candyfloss in a puddle? We don’t think so.
The one
We get it, believing that our partner is the one we’re meant to be with is romantic. The trouble with the concept of ‘one’ person we’re destined to spend our lives with is that it means we could miss out on giving a chance to people who would genuinely make great partners because we’re too busy searching for an unrealistic ideal. In the digital age, with access to dating apps and more ways of connecting with people than ever before, we’re less likely to meet, date, and stay with the first person we’re interested in. That’s not always a bad thing! Dating is great because it gives us insight into what we need from a relationship, what kind of people we click with the most, and what our dealbreakers are. Just because a date doesn’t go well doesn’t mean that it wasn’t worth it. We learn something from every dating experience – even if that’s just finding out that we can’t stand people who chew with their mouth open.
Love of your life
Despite what this phrase suggests, throughout our lives, we’re going to experience many different types of love. Some of us might fall in love with one person and one person only. Some of us might fall in love with different people throughout the years. Some of us might find that our platonic relationships are the ones that bring us the most joy. Putting pressure on ourselves to find the ultimate ‘love of our life’ is an unnecessary stress, and to be honest, one we’d rather not spend our energy on. Paying attention to what and who makes us happy is way more important.
All these words and phrases suggest that in love, we only have one shot at getting it right. But life isn’t like a movie: there isn’t always going to be someone chasing us to the airport or crashing our wedding day to declare their love. We don’t have to spend our lives hunting down one person who’s ready to sail off into the sunset with us. Relationships are tricky and they take work from everyone involved. When one ends, it doesn’t mean we’re going to be alone forever. We can still go on to experience really fun dates and new experiences with new people – and that’s half the fun! Let’s take the pressure off searching for ‘the one’, and focus on the ones we meet along the way, instead.