Written by Rebecca Twomey
Hot Girl Summer may be over, but that doesn’t mean the fun has to stop. It’s time to rip up the dating rule book! Yes, you read that correctly. If you’ve been diligently following standard behaviour while looking for love, it’s time for a switch-up - change the method and you may just change the outcome. Ready to embrace your inner romance rebel?
1. Have sex on a first date
Stay with us on this one…sleeping together hours after you meet is believed to be the cardinal sin of dating, but you don’t have to lock up the (horny) devil within. If the chemistry is electric, your confidence sky high and you’re not making a decision after too much alcohol, go get steamy between those sheets! The only rules you must follow are to practice safer sex, and, very importantly, don’t make assumptions about what happens afterwards. The reason why most dating advice steers against jumping into bed together too soon is that expectations often change after sex, but that’s not to say that you won’t go on to have a loving, healthy relationship if you sleep together on the first date. The best way to make sure you’re both on the same page about what sleeping together means is to have an open and honest conversation on the date, before any shenanigans. There’s often so much pressure about where things are going, but it’s totally acceptable to put your physical needs before emotional needs for a change, wink wink.
2. Talk about exes
If word vomit escapes your lips and you mention an ex, your date isn’t doomed, don’t worry. Try not to inwardly cringe if your date mentions their ex, either. It can be a positive thing to get some sense of their past. There’s no need to delve too deep into the ‘ex files’, but contrary to popular belief, you can talk about it. Stick to the facts, don’t give too much detail, and try your hardest not to bad-mouth them. For example, you can say: “I’ve been single for six months, I was with my ex for four years, we drifted apart.” It shows you’re over it if you’re neutral when talking about a former partner rather than avoiding the subject altogether.
3. Split the bill how you want
Play by your own rules when it comes to whose purse takes the pounding. You should never expect someone to pay, but if they insist on treating you, let them. It’s a kind gesture - you don’t have to take it as anything other than that. You can get the drinks or their taxi home. If they paid on the first date, you could always pay on the second. It should simply be about doing something nice for someone you’re into. End of.
4. Stop playing hard to get
Old skool dating advice suggests that game-playing, making one party chase, not being too available, and not accepting a date invitation the first time is the way to win someone’s heart. But those rules were written pre-dating apps, and before all the agency and choice us singles now have. In this competitive world, being hard to get usually means you’ll miss out– as nobody wants to play games when they’re looking for real, honest, lasting love. Not playing those games and instead, being upfront whilst dating lets you both know where you stand, so take it into your own hands. Some people live for the chase, but if you turn it into a cat and mouse game, once they’ve caught what they want – that’s usually where things fizzle.
5. Date a friend’s ex
Proceed with caution on this one, but if a friend’s ex-partner/lover/f-buddy/date comes up on your dating app - you can match with them. If it was a significant ex, to avoid drama later on, it’s advisable to speak to your mate first. If you get their blessing and recommendation, what’s stopping you? Who hasn’t matched with the same person as their mates on the same app? If you live/work in the same area as your single friends, you’re going to match with some of the same people. Use it to your advantage: set up a WhatsApp group with your local single friends and share who you’re dating so you don’t double up. Even better, if you’ve been on a date with someone but don’t fancy them, you can let your mates know if they could be a good fit for them and vice versa. Work it to your advantage.
6. Put all your eggs in one basket
Just because you can date multiple people at once, doesn’t mean you have to. If you really like someone after a couple of dates, you can put all your focus on them. Make your feelings known; double messaging is perfectly ok! If you want to be true to yourself and follow your feelings, go for it. Be open with your communication so you both know you’re on the same page - this will create a much stronger relationship for the both of you.
7. Tell them you want kids
Know what you want? Don’t shy away from being open about it. Whatever your desires for the future, be it family, marriage, or even a non-monogamous relationship, communicate that early on, even during the first date. Knowing what you want and not being afraid to say it is actually very attractive. Make clear that this is what you want for yourself and not necessarily with the person you’re on a date with. It’ll save a lot of time and heartbreak if you’re clear and upfront early on, and that way you get what you want and deserve much sooner.