So, the day of the date has finally arrived. You’re getting dressed, your favourite mood-boosting playlist is blasting from the speakers, and your phone is vibrating with messages of moral support from your friends. Maybe you’re excited, maybe you’ve got butterflies, maybe you’re furiously googling ‘what not to do on a date.’ It’s been a while since any of us have been able to date in real life, and if you feel like you’ve forgotten how to do it – you’re not alone! Do you ask them what their job is, even though you’ve already searched their LinkedIn profile? (on Incognito mode, of course). Should you open with your funniest anecdote or be mysterious and aloof? Can you mute them and ‘leave meeting’ if it all goes wrong?!
First date nerves are completely normal, even for the most seasoned of daters, but giving yourself a mental pep talk can help. We’ve created a checklist of things to bring to every date – and it’s not just keys, wallet, phone.
Read on, for some slightly different first date advice.
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1. Your entourage!
Whether your entourage is you and your cat, you and your kids, you and your community – bring them along! We don’t mean physically, of course, (although, you do you) – more so that you should feel comfortable being real with your date about what your life looks like. Everyone has different priorities and responsibilities, and being honest about yours from the get-go takes the pressure off. Your date’s reaction to the important things in your life also gives you the chance to work out how compatible you are – let them know if you can’t do dates at short notice because you need to find childcare, or that you work night shifts or really long hours. The people that are right for you will understand and be happy to work with you to accommodate the important stuff.
2. Your nervous laughter (yes, really...)
See also: slightly awkward silences, mixing your words up, tripping over your own feet. In general, we tend to put an awful amount of pressure on ourselves to be flawless and charismatic when we meet new people – especially when we’re on a date. But none of us are perfect – we don’t always know what to say, and we’re all prone to spilling a drink down ourselves from time to time. Even Beyonce has off days. So why not let yourself off the hook? By not holding yourself to an unfeasibly high standard, you’re far more likely to relax and actually be present on your date, instead of wondering if they noticed when you bashed your knee as you sat back down at the table. Plus, your date will probably be relieved at your realness – they want to spend time with you after all, not a robot.
3. Your latest obsession
Think about what’s more memorable: when the person you’re on a date with talks about what they do for work/where they live/how many siblings they have – or when their eyes light up as they describe something they love. Chances are, it’s the latter – excitement and energy is infectious. Talking about something that matters to you, (be it the script you’re writing, the art you make, the cars you love building) gives your date a glimpse into what makes you tick. While it’s not essential that you and the person you date have identical interests (opposites attract, after all), it’s important to find someone that can celebrate your passions and wins with you. On the flip side, hearing about your date’s interests tells you a lot about them, and will help guide the conversation if you’re stuck for something to say. Do they love a certain band? Why? When did they discover them? No matter how weird or wonderful, the things you’re passionate about are important: they make you you.
4. The skin you’re in
Self-confidence is something that takes time to build, and it’s not uncommon to have dips and days when you don’t feel as hot. But when you’re going on a date, be that virtual or IRL, you want to feel your best. Instead of putting pressure on yourself to be perfectly preened and picture-perfect, focus on what makes you feel good. Dig out the trusty pair of jeans which make your bum look great, spritz your favourite fragrance for a boost, style your hair or make-up the way YOU like it. When you focus on feeling good, rather than impressing someone else, you instantly appear more confident – and confidence is attractive. Everyone has things about themselves that they’re insecure about, but don’t let them hold you back from having a good time. Bring all of you: your marks, your scars, your dodgy at-home hair dye; you don’t need a transformation to be date-ready.
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